IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

You recently bought an expensive electronic product from a store, and found that the product does not work properly. Write a letter to the store manager. In your letter, Complain about the problem Propose action for the store to take Request confirmation that this is agreed

#product #store #work #manager #action #request #confirmation
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to express my disappointment and frustration regarding an electronic
product
 I recently purchased from your
store
.On the 1st of March,I purchased a mobile phone from your
store
.
However
,upon bringing it home and attempting to use it,I discovered that the
product
 was not functioning properly. Considering the circumstances I request a full refund of the purchase price as I am not satisfied with the performance of the
product
.I will return the
product
 to the
store
 in its original packaging
along with
 the receipts as soon as possible. I trust that your
store
 values customers and endeavours to provide exceptional products and customer service.I am confident that your attention to
this
 matter will lead to a swift and satisfactory resolution. Thank you for taking the time to read my concern.I look forward to your reply and a resolution to my problem. Yours sincerely, Miss Kamila
Submitted by saydusmonovasomiddin94 on

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Task Achievement
For a higher score in 'Task Achievement', ensure the problem and requested action are clear and detailed. Mention specific issues encountered with the product and why the proposed action (full refund) is justified. For instance, describe the malfunction in detail and any inconvenience it caused.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve 'Coherence and Cohesion', try to use a wider range of linking phrases and topic sentences that clearly signal the content of each paragraph. While your letter is well-organized, incorporating phrases like 'Furthermore,', 'In addition to the above,' or 'Consequently,' at the beginning of new paragraphs can enhance flow and coherence.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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