IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Nowadays people get married and have kids in their thirties rather than when they are younger.Do you agree or disagree that this trend will benefit society?

#people #kids #thirties #trend #benefit #society
Most
couples
 married and raise
children
 when they are 30 years old or older.
This
 situation is different compared to years before when they did
this
 in their twenties. I agree that
this
 condition will bring more advantages to society rather than negative impacts. First of all, when
couples
 married in their thirties, they are more mature and mentally more stable than when they were younger. Marriage and raising kids are big responsibilities for
parents
 so they have to be ready when they made these decisions. It is common for
parents
 who are not ready to have
such
 commitment,
then
 when they have
children
, they are not capable to raise the
children
 properly.
For example
, families with more stable
emotion
Fix the agreement mistake
emotions
show examples
 could manage anger when things are not as expected.
This
 situation could be different with younger
parents
 because sometimes they still could not manage their
emotion
Fix the agreement mistake
emotions
show examples
to
Change preposition
toward
show examples
 their kids which led to
chidren
Correct your spelling
children
 abuse.
Moreover
, another benefit to married and having
children
 in their thirties is the
parents
 are more financially stable. It is widely known that financial issue is the biggest factor that led to divorce.
Couples
 with good financial foundations are usually able to make plans for the development of their
children
. If the
children
 were well-raised, the quality of life in society would
also
 become much better. In conclusion, marriage and raising kids are big responsibilities for
parents
. In order to do that,
couples
 need to make full preparations not only mentally ready but
also
 financially stable. So, if these aspects were fulfilled by the
parents
, the
children
 would have a better living which
also
 increases the life quality in society.
Submitted by yunilson.mulyano on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • emotional maturity
  • secure upbringing
  • career prospects
  • education and career development
  • lifetime earnings
  • job satisfaction
  • health outcomes
  • demographic shift
  • population growth
  • ageing population
  • parental preparedness
  • responsibilities of parenting
  • modern healthcare
  • capable of having healthy pregnancies
  • balancing population growth
  • establish careers
  • save money
  • healthier relationships
  • better parenting
What to do next:
Look at other essays: