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Writing Samples
Band 6

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last years. Discuss the causes and effect of this issue disturbing trend.

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Introduction
The levels of high-weighs
children
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 in westren countries have dropped by roughly 20% in
last
Linking Words
 years. With the competition that increased between chocolates factories and their new
products
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 that contain higher harmful substances than before.
Children
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 can be attracted easily with these new
products
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.
Then
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 in long term they face a lot of health
problems
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 because of
this
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.
Body · 1
Firstly
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, food
companies
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 try as much as they can to increase their sales, year by year, they create ideas for new
products
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. And these ideas include ways to how to become suitable for consumers and attract them.
While
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 with any new product the competition between those factories rise, so they try to create new product to combete each other. Most of
time
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 their target is
children
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, especially
chocolate
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companies
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. Those
companies
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 may know that younger people are fond of suger
products
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. So they search for their favorite roles to advirtise their
products
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they create trends when they know that
children
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 try to be modern much of the
time
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 for what they eat or what they have. So they create
products
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such
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 as the
last
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 one
that is
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 mixed between orient desserts and nuts and they named Dubai
chocolate
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. So new trend has different ingredients his company pay for actors and social media application to advirtise it.
Whereas
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,
children
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 buy it happily, without consider for any issues of
this
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products
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.
Body · 2
Meanwhile, when they progressive eat these
products
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for example
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,
this
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chocolate
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 or other are the same of it. With all these new ingedients they try to contain in their
products
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 to cheer
children
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 up.
This
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 has a long term symptoms for them in general, but these new recipes make the symptoms come in short-term.
Therefore
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problems
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such
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 as obesity can come faster than before for the child,
also
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 with more chances any
time
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 fo higher in their suger blood levels.
Although
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 the other physical
problems
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 they can face that come with their high whight during the
time
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.
Conclusion
All
this
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 comes in progress with their eating of the new
products
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 by
chocolate
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companies
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 or other they try to attract
children
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 with new ingredients that contain more harmful substances than before. So
problems
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such
Linking Words
 as obesity can come in shorter
time
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 than before.
Therefore
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, parents must pay attention for those new
products
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 and their ingredients carefully before their
children
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 buy it.

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly: causes and effects.
task response
Use ideas that fit the topic all the way through.
task response
Add one or two clear examples to support each main point.
coherence and cohesion
Write a clearer main idea at the start of each body part.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, because, so, and finally.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one idea in one paragraph and do not repeat the same point too much.
task response
You talk about a cause and an effect, so you try to answer the full task.
task response
You give a clear ending with advice for parents.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has paragraphs, and this helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Some link words are used, such as firstly, additionally, and meanwhile.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health concern
  • sedentary behavior
  • high-calorie, low-nutrient
  • processed foods
  • physical activity
  • genetic predispositions
  • type 2 diabetes
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • psychological issues
  • low self-esteem
  • depression
  • social and economic effects
  • healthcare systems
  • life expectancy
  • academic performance
  • future productivity
  • public health campaigns
  • food industry practices
  • nutrition
  • lifestyle choices
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