IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that countries should produce the food to feed their population themselves and import as little as possible. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some individuals argue that a nation needs to be self-sustainable and invest in agriculture so it does not need to buy fresh produce and meat from other countries. At first glance,
this
Linking Words
 may be helpful to strengthen the local economy and contribute to the well-being of the population.
However
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, it is important to take into consideration that we live in a globalised world where commercial activities among different countries tend to bring more positive outcomes than the opposite. On the one hand, having a developed and reliable agro-industry means having more negotiation power over goods
such
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 as soy, orange, milk and other vital products.
In other words
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, it means that the local government can stipulate the prices for the final consumer based solely on their own interest, without being influenced by
economic
Correct article usage
the economic
show examples
 crisis of other countries. If there is a war,
for instance
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,
that is
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 affecting the price of commodities and other goods, a self-sustainable country may not be affected by it, differently from those
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 are dependent on the nations involved in the conflict.
As a result
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, its
habitants
Use the right word
inhabitants
show examples
 do not face a strong economic crisis.
On the other hand
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, the modern world is deeply intertwined and connected by different geopolitical and economic deals and agreements. If a continent or a smaller geopolitical division refuses to make strategic deals, it usually suffers some type of retaliation from the others.
Thus
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, even though
this
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 nation can produce its own food, its economy will somehow be negatively impacted.
Besides
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 that, global warming and natural disasters have become more frequent, unfortunately.
As a consequence
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, crops, fertile lands, and even cattle can be lost and destroyed in a matter of seconds
due to
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 natural disasters. So, having strategic partnerships with other nations to import and export goods is a valid strategy to ensure their population can be fed and that their economy can thrive.
To conclude
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,
although
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 it is primordial to invest in agriculture as much as possible in order to feed its population, a wise government
also
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 needs to cultivate strong partnerships and trade deals with its neighbours.

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task response
State your view clearly in the first sentence of the essay, then keep that stance in all paragraphs.
task response
Explain each point with clear reasons and add one clear example for each point to support it.
grammar or style
Use short, simple sentences to make meaning easy and fix small grammar mistakes.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that ties back to your view.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words (for example, because, so, but, however) to show cause and effect and connect ideas.
structure
Clear two-sided view and a final balance.
content
Good use of 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' to show sides.
arguments
Examples that relate to price and risk help support points.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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