Government should be used to support children in school for sports rather than to support professional sports and arts that perform for the general public. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

These days many
children
in
school
like to play
sports
so, some people think
that is
the best way to make
children
fit,
while
others believe that
supports
Wrong verb form
supporting
show examples
professional
sports
and arts that perform for the general public is important.
This
essay will discuss
both
sides and will draw my personal conclusion. On one hand,
support
children
in
school
for
sports
and the
government
should build a new place in
school
.
For example
, when the
government
build a new place in
school
they can make
children
do any activity they can do it so, and that's why some think
that is
the best way to
support
this
idea.
On the other hand
, supporting professional
sports
and arts for the general public it is can make a lot of jobs for the community.To illustrate, When the
government
support
this
idea they can help with many problems in the same area.
Hence
the belief that we need
support
any idea can be fixed and help
poor
Add an article
the poor
show examples
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
.
In
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
the general public needs
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
activities for adults with
children
to spend time
and
Change preposition
with and
show examples
make a good healthy
life
.
This
proves clearly
that is
government
should
support
both
ideas. In conclusion, after analysing
both
points of view, I believe that when
government
support
both
ideas that can make a good
life
for all people living in the region and create a lot of jobs.In the
end
Add a comma
,end
show examples
this
life
is difficult and we need people to enjoy
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
life
.
Submitted by keekrztop on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!