many manufactured food and drink product contain high level of sugar, which causes many health problem. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

There is no doubt that high-level sugary diets and refreshments have been putting a great strain on
individuals's
Remove the s
individuals'
show examples
well-being,
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
the cause of
this
undoubtedly stems from
food
manufacturers.
Therefore
, more expensive products should be
teken
Correct your spelling
taken
into consideration to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sugary diets or drinks. From my perspective, I completely agree with
this
notion, so I will elaborate
some
Change preposition
on some
show examples
reasons to advocate
this
view.
To begin
with, when it comes to limited or expensive choices of sugar beverages or sweets, customers will make up their minds to opt for a cheaper one.
This
would help tackle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
matter. Because a variety of sweet
food
available may result in various troubles for citizens. To put it simply,
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
modern society has paved the way for sugary
food
consumption, leading to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
much lower
food
prices,
therefore
, consumers find it convenient to purchase
food
Add an article
the food
show examples
they desire to have, especially junk
food
.
Consequently
, the less they consume sweet products, the better they will be. Another viewpoint of
this
, the majority of locals can greatly benefit from
this
practice since they are likely to eat healthy alternative
food
instead
, which is important because they can have a better lifestyle without excessive sugary consumption. If they can reduce the amount of sugary stuff, they are likely to be free from harmful diseases,
such
as diabetes,
obisity
Correct your spelling
obesity
, and
high-blood
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high blood
show examples
pressure. In
this
way, people can even live longer if they eat more
healthy
Change the word
healthily
show examples
. In the UK,
for example
,
convenient
Replace the word
convenience
show examples
stores charge for sweet
fuzzy
Correct your spelling
fizzy
show examples
drinks, so many
custumers
Correct your spelling
customers
are less likely to buy them. In conclusion, humans' fitness has been
influencing
Wrong verb form
influenced
show examples
by sweet
food
, so I believe that if we can increase the prices of
such
harmful
food
, people might have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
better health.
Submitted by keakyenge on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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