IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, the role of a mother differs in some ways from the role of a father. Why do you think these differences exist? How might parental roles develop in the future?

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It’s clear that there are obvious differences existing between the role of a mother and the role of a father in some societies. Several aspects should be taken into consideration when it comes to the reasons that lead to
this
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 phenomenon.
In addition
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,
parents
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 are supposed to play more reasonable
roles
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 in the future. There’s no doubt that different gender
roles
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 result in
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parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
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 distinct division of labour.
For example
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, mothers are regarded as those who should shoulder the housework and take good care of their children in some countries,
while
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 fathers are supposed to earn money and provide their children guidance in significant affairs like education and career. Despite the influence of gender stereotypes and cultural background,
parents
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 may reach an agreement on how to educate their kids at the beginning.
For instance
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, a couple may decide that during the development of their child, the mother tends to be a patient teacher
whereas
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 the father plays
a
Correct article usage
the
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 role of a strict coach. With the development of gender equality and the enhancement of women’s education, the gap between
parents
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’
roles
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 will be narrowed gradually and the division of labour among family members will be more flexible than before.
For example
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, women have been economically independent and have the ability to earn a living for their families, which means they are able to play
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roles
Correct article usage
the roles
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 of breadwinners
instead
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 of housekeepers. Conventional wisdom about parental
roles
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 has changed as well. It is acceptable for fathers to leave their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 and raise children at home at present. In conclusion,
parents
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 in some cultures have divergent parenting styles
due to
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 the impact of conventional ideas and subjective negotiation.
However
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, with the improvement of women’s social status and income, both
parents
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 will have access to work remotely and participate equally in child care in the future.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic. While your essay maintained a general logical structure, some paragraphs appear to be congested with ideas. This can confuse the reader. Aim to have one main idea per paragraph and fully explore that idea with supporting sentences before moving to the next paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, but should more effectively paraphrase the task and provide a stronger thesis statement and summary of findings, respectively. For instance, specifically mention the societal and future development aspects of parental roles as the basis of your argument.
task achievement
Include more detailed and relevant examples that directly support the points you are making. These examples should be specific rather than hypothetical and add depth to your arguments. For example, instead of saying 'mothers are regarded as those who should shoulder the housework', provide actual statistics or research findings to support this statement.
task achievement
Your response should more explicitly address all parts of the question. While you did mention the reasons for differences in parental roles and provided a brief outlook on the future, more detailed exploration and direct answers to 'why' these differences exist would improve your score. Address the historical, social, and economic factors influencing parental roles more comprehensively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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