IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Task 2: The government should spend more money on medical research to protect citizens’ health rather than on protecting the environment. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #money #research #citizens’ #health #environment
There is no denying the main impact on
health
 is arguable.
While
 it is a commonly held belief that the authority must invest in
health
 research
instead
 of wasting the budget on environmental issues. From my perspective, I strongly believe that the authority may require to put more money into population
health
 rather than environmental problems.
This
 essay will shed light upon why I believe
this
. On the one hand, investing in the
health
system
such
 as research may decrease the burden on the
health
system
. To illustrate, if the
governor
Replace the word
government
show examples
 body exploits developing
health
 research
such
 as finding treatment for HIV or certain types of cancer, it will remove many obstacles
such
 as discovering treatments that can reduce the burden on the
health
system
 when the nations find treatment for
such
 deadly diseases.
In other words
, folks might stop being hospitalized for
a long periods
Correct the article-noun agreement
long periods
a long period
show examples
 of time which can affect the nation's budget.
Thus
, it becomes apparent that utilizing
money
Add an article
the money
show examples
 for the
health
system
 may have several benefits
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 society.
Moreover
, placing money on
health
 can improve the national economy. One good illustration of
this
 is that having a healthy population may decrease the number of sick leaves,
therefore
, productivity might reach the highest as the number of sick masses is low.
In other words
, the work environment will be healthy and capable to perform all kinds of jobs.
Thus
,
this
 makes it clear that exploiting medicine can extensively boost the country's economy. In conclusion,
although
 funding the environmental enterprise is crucial.
However
, in my opinion, I consider that investing in
health
 projects might be more beneficial for the population's
health
 and the economy.
Submitted by pt_maha on

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