IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is
to have
Change the verb form
having
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 later in
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
 and its effects
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our
life
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Nowadays work and career are essential
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 our
life
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 intend to
tell
Verb problem
describe
show examples
 some factors, that alter
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 effects, which might be
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 reasons changing
world
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, the
21st century
Add a hyphen
21st-century
show examples
humanity
Replace the word
human
show examples
life
Use synonyms
modify
Change the verb form
modifies
show examples
 constantly compere
with in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the past. Nowadays
people
Use synonyms
, who
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
crucial
Correct article usage
a crucial
show examples
important
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
our
Change preposition
in our
show examples
 environment
commence
Wrong verb form
commenced
show examples
 to
make
Verb problem
pay
show examples
 more and more attention
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their work and career,
instead
Linking Words
 of family. The men and women do not consider
to get
Change the verb form
getting
show examples
 married and
create
Wrong verb form
creating
show examples
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 cute family.
In addition
Linking Words
, for them happiness is making more money, than
to have
Change the verb form
having
show examples
children
Use synonyms
,
therefore
Linking Words
 they create
family
Correct article usage
a family
show examples
 after 30 or 35 years old
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when they have a brilliant career.
Linking Words
As well as
Rephrase
Also
show examples
,
to find
Change the verb form
finding
show examples
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 other for
people
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 more arduous after 30,
Correct word choice
and in
show examples
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 reason they do not get married in their
life
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
All of the factors that
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 notice above
detrimental
Add a missing verb
have detrimental
show examples
affect
Correct your spelling
effects
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our environment. The decrease birth of a child over the
world
Use synonyms
change
Correct subject-verb agreement
changes
show examples
chain
Correct article usage
the chain
show examples
 of human development
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
,
changing
Wrong verb form
changes
show examples
 our population.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
 the
world
Use synonyms
 is developed by
invention
Add an article
the invention
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
provide
Verb problem
allows
show examples
 them to create new technology. In my opinion without
people
Use synonyms
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
world
Use synonyms
are not
Verb problem
is
show examples
 nothing fascinating. Everything that appears around the
world
Use synonyms
 immense
enhace
Correct your spelling
enhance
 of
humanity
Change noun form
humanity's
show examples
 force. I can not imagine the
world
Use synonyms
 without
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
Having
weighted
Correct your spelling
weighed
show examples
 everything mentioned up, we can come to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 conclusion that
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 is necessary for
people
Use synonyms
. Our task is to save our environment and bestow the in
out
Correct your spelling
our
show examples
 generation, which
gratituted
Correct your spelling
gratitude
 we create
family
Add an article
a family
show examples
 in our
life
Use synonyms
. We never forget the consequences of that,
life
Use synonyms
 without
children
Use synonyms
 will be worse.

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task achievement
Clarify your stance on having children later in life. Make sure your introduction clearly reflects whether you agree or disagree, and outline your main points succinctly.
coherence and cohesion
Improve paragraph structure by separating ideas into distinct paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea to enhance coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Use more varied vocabulary and correct grammatical errors to improve clarity. For instance, use 'compared to' instead of 'compere with in', and correct the phrase 'are not nothing fascinating' to something like 'there is nothing fascinating'.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure proper punctuation and capitalization throughout the essay, particularly at the beginning of sentences and for the pronoun 'I'.
content
You provide a personal opinion and an emotional appeal about the importance of children in society, which adds depth to your argument.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • poverty alleviation
  • economic inequality
  • developing nations
  • foreign aid
  • sustainable growth
  • technical assistance
  • expertise
  • infrastructure
  • education
  • fair trade
  • trade barriers
  • sustainable development
  • environmental conservation
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