IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

If we want to save the future of the planet, we will have to drastically change our way of life. What is your opinion?

#future #planet #change #life
The forthcoming of the
Earth
 plays a key role in our
life
. For many of us, A population of
this
 is responsible for saving it.
In other words
, we have to dramatically change our way of
life
otherwise
 our planet will face large damage in the near perspective. In
this
 essay, I will explain why I agree with
this
 statement and give some examples. First and foremost, there is no doubt that today we live a
life
that is
 unbearably harmful to the planet which means
people
 are the main causes of the destruction of the animal world,
in addition
 to
this
,
according to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fact,
although
 humans live environmentally friendly, our percentage of waste emissions has broken its record
this
 year. Many
people
 believe that if it continues like
this
, it is certain that in the next 50 years, the hemisphere will be covered in garbage.
This
 causes
people
 to live
life
 on the edge
due to
 health problems.
On the other hand
, the rest do not fully agree with the above-mentioned opinion, because many
people
 do not disagree that these opinions are partially right,
that is
 to say, their point of view is that the imminent state of the
earth
 does not depend on human`s lifestyle. The reason why others
considered
Wrong verb form
consider
show examples
that is
 the next condition of the planet is mainly various factories that emit chemical poisons into the atmosphere. Take recent research as an example, Despite the fact that the Congo located in Africa is a bantam country, there are factories that emit various toxic fumes into the atmosphere.
As a result
, it does more damage to the
Earth
 than the rest of the countries in Africa covering a large area. In conclusion, In my view, no matter what happens, we must preserve the
Earth
 without forgetting that the future is in our hands.
Submitted by abrorjon_1995 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your essay demonstrates a partial understanding of the topic and lacks depth in analyzing the prompt. Ensure that you directly address the given topic and provide a well-structured argument with comprehensive ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a moderate logical structure with an introduction and conclusion present. However, you need to work on developing a clearer and more cohesive progression of ideas to strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: