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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart and graph below give information about participants who have entered the Olympics since it began.

The chart and graph below give information about participants who have entered the Olympics since it began.
The bar chart and line graph compare how many
women
Use synonyms
 and
men
Use synonyms
participants
Use synonyms
 take part in the
Olympics
Use synonyms
 since it started from 1924 to 2012. The
Use synonyms
participants
Correct quantifier usage
number of participants
show examples
 of
men
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
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 higher than
women
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 both males and females demonstrated an upward trend. Despite
this
Linking Words
,
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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more
Add a missing verb
had more
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participants
Use synonyms
 than
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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 throughout the period. Within the same time period, it can be illustrated that the number of
men
Use synonyms
 who participated in the
Olympics
Use synonyms
repidly
Correct your spelling
rapidly
 increased.
According to
Linking Words
 the bar chart, in the primary year of 1924, 3000 male
participants
Use synonyms
 attended the
Olympics
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 100
women
Use synonyms
participants
Use synonyms
 took part in
Use synonyms
Olympics
Correct article usage
the Olympics
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,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 means that female
participants
Use synonyms
Add a missing verb
were less
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less
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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than
men
Use synonyms
. In the three year-1953 1984 and 2012
Olympic
Fix the agreement mistake
Olympics
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experienced a
growing
Replace the word
growth
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 rate of female
participants
Use synonyms
. Until 2012,
this
Linking Words
 trend kept changing
upwards
Correct your spelling
upward
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. In the final year it showed that the rate of female
participants
Use synonyms
 in the
Olympics
Use synonyms
 increased,
women
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
participants
Change noun form
participants'
participant's
show examples
 trend demonstrated close to the male. Turning to the line graph, the total number of
participants
Use synonyms
 was 3000 in 1924 which continued rising till 1984. From 1984 the number of
participants
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 kept increasing fast which reached 11000 in
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
2012. Task 1

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Vocabulary: Replace the words women, men, participants, olympics with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Olympic Games
  • participants
  • historical context
  • trend
  • exponential growth
  • influence
  • world events
  • diversity
  • technological advancements
  • global
  • gender equality
  • International Olympic Committee (IOC)
  • unity
  • competition
  • athletes
  • entry
  • represent
  • delegation
  • boycotts
  • milestones
  • parity
  • inclusive
  • disciplines
  • legacy
  • sponsorship
  • admission
  • elite sportspeople
  • national pride
  • cultural exchange
  • ambassadors
  • sportsmanship
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