IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what eztent do you agree or disagree?

#universities #numbers #students #eztent
Some people say that
equal
Change the article
an equal
the equal
show examples
number
 of male and female
students
 should attend the
class
. I completely disagree with
this
 idea. There are two main reasons which are associated with personal desire and lack of
orentation
Correct your spelling
orientation
. First of all, I completely believe that
every
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
one
 has their own goals. In simple terms, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
girls naturally want to study
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teaching, nursing or acting. We can clearly see that there are a small
number
 of female mechanical engineering or plumber in
real
Add an article
the real
show examples
 world. Girls usually attend
school
Add an article
a school
the school
show examples
which
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 they can care
others
Change preposition
for others
show examples
,
on the other hand
, boys get universities'
invitation
Fix the agreement mistake
invitations
show examples
 for fixing and building.
As a result
,
students
 can be qualified employees as their own desire.
One
 of the perfect examples of
this
 is
President
Correct article usage
the President
show examples
 of Meriton company. His mother pushed him to be a
painist
Correct your spelling
pianist
, but he believed himself to be
Correct article usage
an engineering
show examples
engineering
Replace the word
engineer
show examples
. Now he is
one
 of the
successful
Correct quantifier usage
most successful
show examples
billioniere
Correct your spelling
billionaire
billionaires
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Australia as
his
Correct pronoun usage
he
show examples
 wants.
Secondly
 and even more importantly, though, universities could not start their first day of school in the
twenty first
Add a hyphen
twenty-first
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
century if they announce
equal
Change the article
an equal
the equal
show examples
number
 of girls and boys in
one
class
. In simple terms, male pupils rarely choose early childhood teaching.
As a result
, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
new
Add an article
the new
show examples
students
 can not start their
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
 on time.
One
 of the
petfect
Correct your spelling
perfect
 examples of
this
 is
Mongolian
Correct article usage
the Mongolian
show examples
 University of Technology. Two decades before Mongolian government decided equal
gender
Correct article usage
the gender
show examples
 of new
students
 in
automative
Correct your spelling
automotive
show examples
 engineering
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
. 20 male attendees already have chosen the
class
 but only 2 female mentees had booked the lesson. Regarding
Correct article usage
the Parliament
show examples
Parliament
Add a comma
,Parliament
show examples
 announcement boys could not start their subject on time
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 President banned it. By way of conclusion, I once again restate my view that
equal
Change the article
an equal
the equal
show examples
number
 of
girl
Fix the agreement mistake
girls
show examples
 and
boy
Fix the agreement mistake
boys
show examples
students
 can not attend
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every single subject.
Therefore
, it is recommended that teenagers should choose what they want.
Submitted by suvd.mgl on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender diversity
  • innovative
  • comprehensive
  • bridge the gap
  • prevailent
  • STEM
  • meritocracy
  • undermine
  • qualification
  • inadvertently
  • reinforce
  • stereotypes
  • artificial
  • equality
  • access
  • opportunities
  • resources
  • quotas
  • root causes
  • societal norms
  • role models
  • disparities
  • inclusive
  • curriculum
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