IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people say that olympic games do not have any role to play in society. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

#people #olympic #games #role #society
It is undoubtedly true that all
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
sports
 and games have become popular all over the world.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of individuals claim that
Correct article usage
the olympic
show examples
olympic
Change the capitalization
Olympic
show examples
 games
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not have any significance in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Howbeit I disagree with
this
 statement
due to
 certain reasons. There are
main
Replace the word
mainly
show examples
 two advantages of playing the games at
international
Correct article usage
the international
show examples
 level and the prominent one is to create
harmonious
Add an article
a harmonious
show examples
 atmosphere among different nations.
This
 is because when
players
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other countries participate in
such
 activities, they learn to respect and value the cultures. To illustrate, during the first
Change the capitalization
Olympics
show examples
olympics
Add a comma
,olympics
show examples
players
 did shake
hand
Fix the agreement mistake
hands
show examples
 before their performance, and
promise
Wrong verb form
promised
show examples
 that they will play fairly without harming anyone
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the ground.
Apart from
this
, these
sports
 are
excellent
Add an article
an excellent
show examples
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 of revenue for any nation. People are coming to watch these
sports
 from various parts of the world,
hence
 they pay for the accommodation, food, tickets and
excetra
Correct your spelling
extra
. Another key consideration is that it encourages youngsters. Many
players
 have become
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
role model for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young children,
hence
 they follow their lifestyle,
their
Correct word choice
and their
show examples
 skills.
The
Correct article usage
An
show examples
 eminent example of
this
 approach is Milkha Singh was the gold medalist in running
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and was the first Indian runner
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
people are allured by his performance in
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
olympics
Change the capitalization
Olympics
show examples
.
In addition
 to
this
,
sports
 are not only meant for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical fitness
,
Add the word(s)
but,
show examples
also
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 employment opportunities in future when they play for the nation. Alongside all the international
players
 gain fame, money and praise from their
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
. In conclusion, I regard
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
players
are
Change preposition
as are
show examples
centre
Correct article usage
the centre
show examples
 of any nation that represents their country worldwide.
Thus
, they play
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 role in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social development.
Submitted by Navneet Dhand on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: