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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#minutes #information #railway #systems #six #cities #summarise #features #comparisons
The table shows data about the subway line structure in six countries.
Overall
, it is
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
notable
 that
because
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
metro
 is more important for states. Actually big
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
 need complex and useful
metro
station
Fix the agreement mistake
stations
show examples
, for the reason,
this
 is fast and
unexpensive
Correct your spelling
inexpensive
show examples
.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
 that
trasport
Correct your spelling
transport
 system was created 19 century.
Firstly
table
Correct article usage
the table
show examples
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 data about
Correct article usage
the
show examples
underground railway system in six cities from 1863 to 2001. Namely, London, Paris, Tokyo, Washington
DC
,
Kyoto
 and Los Angeles. London railway the oldest
histroy
Correct your spelling
history
in addition
 to that was created
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1863.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
this
metro
 has a big portion in
kilometres
 of
route
 number is 394 and 775
million
 passengers
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 per
year
. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second place is Paris
thus
,
metro
Correct article usage
the metro
show examples
 opened in 1900 and
kilometres
 of
route
 199 so each
year
 1191
million
 humans
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 them. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
third place is Tokyo and the
metro
 was opened in 1927
therefore
,
this
 has 155
kilometres
 of
route
Add an article
the route
show examples
 every
year
 so 1927
million
 persons utilise
per
Correct pronoun usage
it per
show examples
year
.
Secondly
, Washington
DC
,
Kyoto
,
Los
Correct word choice
and Los
show examples
 Angeles subway
station
Fix the agreement mistake
stations
show examples
 opened
1976
Change preposition
in 1976
show examples
, 1981 and 2001 years respectively.
Nevertheless
 in
kilometres
 of
route
Add an article
the route
show examples
 had been Washington
DC
 126,
Kyoto
 11,
Los
Correct word choice
and Los
show examples
 Angeles 28 .
Next
Correct article usage
The next
show examples
 category is passengers per
year
 using that so
this
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
number is
DC
 144
million
,
Kyoto
 just under 50
million
 and LA 50
million
.
Submitted by vasif.askerlii on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words metro, dc, kyoto, kilometres, route, million, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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