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Band 6.5

Some people think that young criminals should receive the same punishment as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #criminals #punishment #adults
In today's society, more and more people think that young people should have the same penalties as men when it comes to violating laws. It is argued that teenagers should be punished the same as grown-ups , but I would completely disagree with
this
 statement.
This
 essay will clarify my suggestion because it is a waste of time from their lives and it might have a negative impact in terms of life itself. First of all, young children are the most sensitive in society which needs to be locked for and needs much attention rather than giving them the same penalties as men.
In particular
, treating them as adult criminals seems not fair as they can not differentiate between wrong and right and they need a second chance to learn from their mistakes and be educated in a short period of time.
For example
, the environment surrounding adolescents usually encourages them to try new things and they are not capable of knowing the consequences of what they are doing.
Furthermore
, adult criminals
knew
Wrong verb form
know
show examples
 the causes of what they are doing and how they reach the court for their mistakes.
However
, young children are not responsible for everything and
as a consequence
, we need to do something that might not ruin their future, that's why we can not punish them as adults.
For instance
, if a young person did a crime
such
 as stealing we need to figure out why he did that
instead
 of penalizing him as an adult because it would affect his entire life In conclusion, young criminals deserve a second chance and guidance from not only the court of judges but
also
 parents to think about their actions before punishing them as adults.
Moreover
, the punishment should be reasonable to which age they are and how they think
Submitted by hihihahahoho on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion should be clearer and more focused. The examples provided are relevant but need further development and explanation to support the main points.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task but needs to provide a clearer position and more comprehensive ideas. The examples are relevant but need to be more fully developed to demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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