IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

You need to take some time off work and want to ask your manager about this. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter • explain why you want to take time off work • give details of the amount of time you need • suggest how your work could be covered while you are away

#time #work #manager #amount
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Dear Manager, I am writing to show my gratitude towards the servers and their excellent service. Recently, I organized a welcome party for the new joiners at your premises. Hundred and twenty colleagues were invited to
this
 meetup in the spacious ballroom. I would say that the hospitality from your staff members was extraordinary;
moreover
, the food was delicious. Upon arrival, all the attendees were greeted by the receptionist and were shown directions to the hall.
Additionally
, there was adequate lighting in the ballroom, which helped our management to present our company’s growth. Not only that, the hotel staff made sure that all our guests were seated and had a clear view of the podium. When the party was about to end, one of your staff was appointed in the parking lot for a smooth departure. I recommend you kindly cater more vegan options in the menu, as few of our recipients were vegan. Most of the items in the buffet were either dairy or meat, which offered limited cuisines for the minority. I hope you will act promptly on
this
 matter. Yours sincerely, Rahul Shaw
Submitted by anmolkashyap68 on

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task achievement
For task achievement, it is essential to respond to the given prompt accurately. Ensure that the letter is about the topic, which in this case, is to request time off work. This letter does not address the prompt.
coherence cohesion
While the letter has a good logical flow, ensure that each paragraph focuses on one specific idea. You have done well except for starting with gratitude rather than sticking to the topic of time off request.
suitable writing tone
The language used in the letter is polite and appropriate for a formal tone.
greeting and closing
The letter has a clear greeting and closing which strengthens the structure.
single idea per paragraph
The paragraphs are generally well-organized and each one focuses on a specific aspect though not aligned with the superfluous topic.
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