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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below give the number of people employed in five types of work in a certain region in Australia in 2001 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below give the number of people employed in five types of work in a certain region in Australia in 2001 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#people #five #work #region #australia #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The given bar chart compares the
employees
Use synonyms
 in 5 fields of work in an undefined area in Australia in 2 different years: 2001 and 2008. In general,
people
Use synonyms
 who worked as sellers were
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest number of
employees
Use synonyms
 is farmers.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the changes between 2001 and 2008 were insignificant. In the field of sales, there were more than 150000 individuals who were selling goods in 2001,
this
Linking Words
 figure increased to around 165000
employees
Use synonyms
 in 2008, and the number of
people
Use synonyms
 employed in sales was the highest figure in both years.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the number of farmers in 2001 was the lowest figure in
this
Linking Words
 chart, there were about 20000
people
Use synonyms
worked
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 field and decreased minimally in 2008.
People
Use synonyms
 who worked as accounters were 60000
employees
Use synonyms
 in 2001 and stayed unchanged in 2008. The numbers of
people
Use synonyms
 who worked in
computing
Correct article usage
the computing
show examples
 and nursing fields were equal at around 50000
employees
Use synonyms
 in 2001, and there was a moderate increase in
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 two fields to reach about 65000 and 60000
people
Use synonyms
 respectively in 2008.
Submitted by thanhvinhdoi338 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words employees, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment trends
  • workforce
  • sector
  • industry
  • agriculture
  • services
  • economic factors
  • technological advancements
  • policy changes
  • notable increases/decreases
  • statistical data
  • regional employment patterns
  • comparative analysis
  • percentage points
  • employment rate
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