IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten vears. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

#percentage #children #society #ten #vears #effects #trend
Over the past 10 years, western societies have seen an increase of approximately 20% in the number of
children
 who are overweight. The purpose of
this
 essay is to list some of the main causes and effects of
this
 worrying situation. In the
last
 few years,
children
 have adopted bad eating
habits
.
For example
, it is common to go out and eat junk food at places like McDonald's, KFC, Taco Bell, etc. These types of fast-food chains offer unhealthy meals and provide few nutrients.
In addition
,
children
 in western societies have adopted unhealthy eating
habits
 at home like consuming
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a lot of
sugars
Fix the agreement mistake
sugar
show examples
 and fatty foods. One clear example of
this
 is the habit of eating ice cream at night as a dessert.
As a result
 of these bad
habits
, kids are gaining more weight than they should. These unhealthy
habits
 have affected the physical and mental health of
children
.
For example
, over the
last
 10 years, more
children
 have suffered from previously uncommon health problems like diabetes, bone issues, hypertension, and strokes. What's more,
children
 became more prone to bullying at school, which has resulted in several mental issues like depression, anxiety, or eating disorders because other kids are making fun of the overweight
children
's bodies and making them feel uncomfortable with themselves.
To sum up
, in western society, the number of
children
 who are overweight has increased by approximately 20
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 because of the adoption of unhealthy
habits
 that have caused them to gain a lot of weight and
consequently
 led to physical and mental issues.
Submitted by erickr.arias on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: