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Band 4

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them.

#people #children #choices #matters #food #clothes #entertainment #society #individuals #decisions
Some people consider that if a child
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 their own choices on every
matters
Change to a singular noun
matter
show examples
. like to do or eat something
this
 will lead these
children
 to be selfish and only think about their own hopes.
While
 other argue that it is essential for
children
 to be free in
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
 on issues which affect them. On the one hand, if we allow
children
 to make decisions on
ever
Correct your spelling
every
show examples
 matter of life
this
 will have some negative impact on
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
.
Firstly
, as a
child
Add a comma
,child
show examples
 they do not know what is good or what is bad for them so
this
 is their
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
 responsibility to help them or guide them when they are making their choices.
Secondly
,
Change preposition
at in
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 early age as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
being
Add a comma
,being
show examples
 we do not have
that
Correct word choice
as
show examples
 much
expereince
Correct your spelling
experience
 in
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
 as our elders have because they have faced too
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
 problems and situations that
children
 even can't think of it.
On the other hand
, other
group
Change the wording
groups
show examples
 of people think that it's very important for
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
children
a child
show examples
children
 to make
Add an article
a decision
the decision
show examples
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 about those issues which is affecting them directly.
In
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
this
 will help them to be
confidence
Replace the word
confident
show examples
 about what will decide in their life.
Moreover
, it will help them to be creative compared to other
children
 because they have the ability to make a
decision
 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
well they will have full
Control
Fix capitalization
control
show examples
 of what they should do in their future life.
Overall
,
children
 in making their own choices Will Saleet something which will harm them
instead
 of
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefit
show examples
benefits
Correct pronoun usage
thembenefits
show examples
. I consider that
children
 who make their own decisions will have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advantages for both
sociary
Correct your spelling
society
social
socially
 and
himself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
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