IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The government alone cannot be expected to solve environmental problems. It is also the responsibility of businesses and individuals to help. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that the national administration is responsible for the whole environmental crisis and its solution.
However
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, worldwide organizations claim that each person has their own role in
this
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 situation. There is no denying that big industries are one of the main causes of the problem. My own view on the matter is that the government should play its role but people should
also
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 make little changes in their lifestyle.
Firstly
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, statal agencies are in charge of making new regulations in order to minimize the environmental issues produced by the country, meaning that they are ultimately responsible for the solution to the crisis. At the same time, businesses are the producers of the majority of the pollution,
as a result
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, they
also
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 should take responsibility and start taking measures to improve the situation.
Likewise
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, the government should implement policies that allow the population to help with
this
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 issue.
For example
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, teaching and providing information to children at schools about how to recycle.
In addition
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, companies could impart courses for their workers showing them how to reduce the consumption of fossil fuels or minimise the amount of food waste.
Furthermore
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, social media and public television play an important role in the situation, because they are able to reach young people.
Consequently
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, making advertisements about how small changes could improve environmental problems should be primordial. To summarize,
although
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 the government alone is able to make important changes, these are not enough.
Therefore
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 appealing to the commitment of everyone should be essential so as to make a better place to live.

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task achievement
Make use of specific examples to illustrate your points more vividly, showing how individuals and businesses can contribute concretely to solving environmental issues.
task achievement
Ensure that all main points are developed with sufficient detail that aligns with the central thesis statement, strengthening the argument.
coherence cohesion
Consider using more varied linking words and phrases to enhance the overall flow of the essay, making connections between points smoother.
task achievement
The essay thoughtfully discusses the respective roles of government, businesses, and individuals in addressing environmental issues, clearly conveying the mutual responsibility involved.
coherence cohesion
Good use of transitional phrases and logical sequencing of ideas aids in the delivery of a coherent argument.
coherence cohesion
A well-defined structure is employed, with a clear introduction outlining the issues and a conclusion summarizing the main points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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