IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people say that every human being can create art . Others think only people born with the ability can create art. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #art #ability
In
this
 contemporary epoch, a number of reckon that every person or
children
Fix the agreement mistake
child
show examples
 can create
art
.
Nonetheless
, others opine that
people
 who
born
Add a missing verb
are born
show examples
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
 ability of
art
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
only can
do
Correct pronoun usage
do it
show examples
. In my opinion, common and talented
people
 both can create
art
 as professionals jobs.Which I shall discuss in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
 with, owning to several reasons that emphasise, all individuals can make
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
art
 as a career. Primarily, with the help of hard work and practice. To elaborate, there is no doubt that common have to take
class
Add an article
a class
the class
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
art
,where they can practice
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art
such
 as painters like to make paintings in order to make
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 more beautiful and unique. By doing
this
, individuals are improving day after day and they are able to sell in
exhibition
Fix the agreement mistake
exhibitions
show examples
 of paintings.
Thus
, it leads to
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
fame in the world and
earn
Wrong verb form
earning
show examples
 money for their basic needs.
On the other hand
, there are some aspects that determine, only possible for those
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 had talent from born to create
art
. To a greater extent reason is that undeniably,
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of
people
 had a plus point or natural ability. They didn't face any hardships
between
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their career and they
get
Wrong verb form
got
show examples
 jobs easily.
In addition
, it
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 some consequences like
aggressive
Correct article usage
an aggressive
show examples
 attitude and don't care
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
social
Replace the word
society
show examples
. So , they can
failed
Change the verb form
fail
show examples
 in real life because struggle teaches
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
great lessons
such
 as forgiveness,love friendship and so on.
As a result
, it leads to some negative
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
show examples
.
To conclude
, it is clear from the above discussion that
although
 there are abundant benefits of
create
Change the verb form
creating
show examples
art
 as a profession.
However
, it
also
 had some drawbacks that
not
Add a missing verb
were not
show examples
 deniable in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Submitted by bhullarsimran2121 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your essay addresses the topic but lacks depth and clarity in your arguments. Make sure to fully develop each point and provide clear examples and explanations to support your views.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and coherent logical structure. Work on organizing your ideas in a more logical and cohesive manner to improve the overall flow of your essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: