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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the chart below shows the number of travellers using three major airport un New York City between 1995 and 2000

the chart below shows the number of travellers using three major airport un New York City between 1995 and 2000
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The bar graph provides information on how many passengers visited three main airports in New York
city
Change the capitalization
City
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 over a 5-year period of time. The blue , yellow and grey bars
indictate
Correct your spelling
indicate
 John
F.Kennedy
Correct your spelling
F. Kennedy
, La Guardia and Newark airports respectively. The X-axis illustrates
years
Correct article usage
the years
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 from 1995 to 2000
whereas
Linking Words
 the Y-axis shows the
number
Use synonyms
 of airport visitors in millions.
Use synonyms
Number
Change the article
A number
The number
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 of people
visited
Correct pronoun usage
who visited
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 John
F.Kennedy
Correct your spelling
F. Kennedy
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased gradually from 1995 up until 1997 when it peaked,
then
Linking Words
 slowly decreased in
following
Correct article usage
the following
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 2 years.
Also
Linking Words
, from 1999 to 2000,
a
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apply
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significant growth can be seen in the
number
Use synonyms
 of arrivals at the
above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
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 airport. Count of
peple
Correct your spelling
people
 who visited LaGuardia had an upward trend
continuously
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continues
show examples
 over the time period. Even though Newark showed the same at the beginning, from 1998 onwards the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of visitors remained the same. LaGuardia had the highest
number
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 of passengers during the time period which was around 68 million
however
Linking Words
, Newark had the least which was about 18 million.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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