IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The pie charts and table illustrates the information about the total value and sources of fish imported to the US in the years 1988, 1992, and 2000.

The pie charts and table illustrates the information about the total value and sources of fish imported to the US in the years 1988, 1992, and 2000.
#information #value #sources #fish #years
The pie chart illustrates
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the source of
fish
 bought by
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 and the table provides key information about the grand number of
fish
 from 1988 to 2000.
Overall
 the amount of value of
fish
 bought by
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 experienced a gradual increase over a period
time
Change preposition
of time
show examples
 given. The origin country of
fish
 imported,
Canada
 experienced a sharp
fell
Replace the word
fall
show examples
,
whereas
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
China increased dramatically
then
 decreased slightly.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
 the others increased gradually in every recorded time period. In 1988, the grand price stood at 6.57 dollars, increased gradually and reached a peak of 10.72 in 2000. The proportion of
US bought
Add a hyphen
US-bought
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fish
 mostly from
Canada
 in 1988,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
reached 60%, but it declined to precisely 28% in 2000.
While
 in twelve years, the other countries experienced a significant
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 from 13% to 30%.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
China rose gradually from 13% to 30% between 1988 and 2000. In 1988, the
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
show examples
 that gave the highest proportion to
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 was
Canada
 and still
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 until 1992.
On the other hand
, in 2000 the other countries reached a peak of 42%
while
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Canada
 fell to a minimum of 28%.
Submitted by mdelvega90 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words fish, canada with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 4 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: