Some people think the government should ban dangerous sports, such as skydiving and rock climbing. Do you agree or disagree?
As evidenced by ample people, authorities ought to stop dangerous
sports
. Some humankind feel that it is one's own choice to perform this
activity or not. I totally disagree with this
statement. I would like to give my view in upcoming paragraphs.
To commence with, mankind deems that dangerous sports
must not be banned, with the advent of technology, these sports
are developed with extreme safety and precautions. Besides
, a person has to take mandatory training before doing it in real. As a result
, accidents should be avoided by proper safety. Moreover
, there are a myriad of folk who train themselves to do extreme venture
likeFix the agreement mistake
ventures
,
mountain climbing, skydiving and river rafting. Remove the comma
apply
For example
, famous mountain climber John Smith started to train himself for rock climbing in his childhood and now he trained other mankind for that and making a career of himself in this
field.
Additionally
, the government itself generate income by developing dangerous sports
in tourist places. These places are mainly developed to attract crowds. As a consequence
, higher authority generate funds. For Instance
, countries like Sweden and Australia have many dangerous sports
where the public fulfils their wishes to do this
kind of performance and their government creates money. Lastly
, individuals who want to do these adventures are self-aware of the dangers of these sports
. Hence
, self-declaration forms were signed by them.
To conclude
, the government should support dangerous activities but they have to develop safety equipment for the public and these activities should not be banned as doing these sports
is a person's own choice.Submitted by kaverigoti2209 on
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task achievement
The introduction is a bit unclear and could benefit from more precise language and clarity of thought. Simplifying the phrasing might help overall clarity.
task achievement
Develop your main points more thoroughly. Some paragraphs seem underdeveloped, and the arguments would benefit from more depth and supporting details.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure but could benefit from clearer transitions between ideas. Try to use more varied linking words and phrases to guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the main points are consistently supported with relevant examples. While there are some good examples, a few points need further evidence or elaboration to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and gives a clear stance on the topic.
task achievement
Relevant examples like the one about John Smith and countries like Sweden and Australia add value to your argument and make your stance clearer.
coherence cohesion
The essay has an overall logical structure with clear organization of introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Main points are generally clear and are presented in a logical order.