Some people think the government should ban dangerous sports, such as skydiving and rock climbing. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #ban #sports #rock

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As evidenced by ample people, authorities ought to stop dangerous

sports

. Some humankind feel that it is one's own choice to perform

this

activity or not. I totally disagree with

this

statement. I would like to give my view in upcoming paragraphs. To commence with, mankind deems that dangerous

sports

must not be banned, with the advent of technology, these

sports

are developed with extreme safety and precautions.

Besides

, a person has to take mandatory training before doing it in real.

As a result

, accidents should be avoided by proper safety.

Moreover

, there are a myriad of folk who train themselves to do extreme

venture

Fix the agreement mistake

ventures

show examples

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

mountain climbing, skydiving and river rafting.

For example

, famous mountain climber John Smith started to train himself for rock climbing in his childhood and now he trained other mankind for that and making a career of himself in

this

field.

Additionally

, the government itself generate income by developing dangerous

sports

in tourist places. These places are mainly developed to attract crowds.

As a consequence

, higher authority generate funds.

For Instance

, countries like Sweden and Australia have many dangerous

sports

where the public fulfils their wishes to do

this

kind of performance and their government creates money.

Lastly

, individuals who want to do these adventures are self-aware of the dangers of these

sports

Hence

, self-declaration forms were signed by them.

To conclude

, the government should support dangerous activities but they have to develop safety equipment for the public and these activities should not be banned as doing these

sports

is a person's own choice.

Submitted by kaverigoti2209 on Wed Aug 07 2024

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task achievement

The introduction is a bit unclear and could benefit from more precise language and clarity of thought. Simplifying the phrasing might help overall clarity.

task achievement

Develop your main points more thoroughly. Some paragraphs seem underdeveloped, and the arguments would benefit from more depth and supporting details.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a logical structure but could benefit from clearer transitions between ideas. Try to use more varied linking words and phrases to guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next.

coherence cohesion

Ensure the main points are consistently supported with relevant examples. While there are some good examples, a few points need further evidence or elaboration to strengthen the argument.

task achievement

The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and gives a clear stance on the topic.

task achievement

Relevant examples like the one about John Smith and countries like Sweden and Australia add value to your argument and make your stance clearer.

coherence cohesion

The essay has an overall logical structure with clear organization of introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

coherence cohesion

Main points are generally clear and are presented in a logical order.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

259 words

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