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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantage？

In some countries, increasing numbers of young people choose work-based training
instead
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 of attending university. I believe
this
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 trend brings more advantages than disadvantages, especially when governments and
families
Use synonyms
 share the financial responsibility appropriately. Work-based programmes equip students with practical skills that are directly required in the labour market.
Instead
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 of spending four or more years studying theoretical subjects, trainees gain hands-on experience and can enter the workforce more quickly.
For instance
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, Germany’s dual-training system enables young people to work part-time in companies
while
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 receiving vocational education, and over 50% of them secure stable employment immediately after graduation.
Furthermore
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, vocational training is generally more affordable.
Families
Use synonyms
 with limited financial resources can avoid the significant tuition fees and living costs associated with university education. The government should cover most of the cost because young people receiving vocational training contribute to national economic development. Skilled workers are essential in fields
such
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 as manufacturing, transportation and healthcare, and shortages in these areas can limit productivity. Meanwhile,
families
Use synonyms
 should contribute a reasonable amount to prevent overuse of public resources. When both sides share the cost, the system becomes more sustainable and fair.
However
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, relying too heavily on vocational routes may reduce the number of highly educated professionals. Fields
such
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 as medical research and engineering still require university graduates.
Therefore
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, a balanced system—where vocational paths and academic paths coexist—is necessary. In conclusion, work-based training offers clear advantages in terms of skill development, affordability and employment prospects. With shared financial support from both governments and
families
Use synonyms
, vocational programmes can play a crucial role in meeting labour-market demands
while
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 maintaining educational fairness.

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task
Task response: Keep a clear view in each paragraph. Add more exact ideas and some data to back each claim.
coherence
Coherence and cohesion: Use a clear topic sentence in each para and more links to show how ideas go from one to the next.
strength
Clear view on the topic and a good overall plan.
strength
Reasonable use of a real example (Germany).
strength
Balanced take with cost split idea.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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