IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Some individuals say that mobile is unnecessary for a young group over other things that it's useful for young ones discuss both views and give your opinion

#individuals #group #ones
There is a common impression that mobile device is considerably not given to youngsters
while
 some highly appreciate their beneficial functions to the young. From my perspective of view, adolescents might own their mobile phones for effective purposes in
this
 Digital Era. To commence with its drawbacks, smartphones are prone to have detrimental effects on the younger. In the savvy-Internet world, individuals, particularly the youth, are less active than those in the past
due to
 their over-exposure to mobile screens for social media platforms or surfing the Internet. The lack of outdoor activities probably jeopardizes their physical and mental health
along with
 the appearance of some common diseases in modern society,
such
 as distracted depression, back pain or eye-related problems.
For instance
, my cousin gets a severe eyesight issue and currently has to wear thick glasses since he was allowed to watch videos on a smartphone several hours per day when he was a 3-year-old boy. On the other side, I personally believe that the imminent advantages of mobile devices for adolescents should not be ignored. It is of great significance in terms of supporting young students in studying online.
Due to
 the Covid-19 pandemic, online courses for students were compulsorily organized and have been maintained until the current time owing to their convenience;
therefore
, each student owning a smartphone for online studying is demanding.
Additionally
, students are likely to get greater access to countless sources of academic materials which helps them save more time rather than looking for conventional books at school libraries. In conclusion, despite the fact that the unnecessary ownership of mobiles at a young age is concurred by many advocators, I honestly assume that younger individuals should be allowed to use a mobile phone as it plays an integral role in their studying in the world of modern technology.
Submitted by dothuy.usd on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: