IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Wealth and material belongings often measure the success that a person has. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a successful person?

#wealth #belongings #measure #success #person
In the modern world, money is most efficient
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
human
Add an article
a human
the human
show examples
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
 for their day
today
Correct your spelling
to day
show examples
life
.
Therefore
 people tend to
measure
success
 by wealth and materialistic belongings.
In
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
easy
Correct your spelling
essay
show examples
 will discuss the topic and explain in
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
my opinion.
To begin
, a
person
’s basic needs are
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
, clothes and shelter. Many will be needed to achieve these targets in human
life
.
Thus
 people intend to
measure
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success
 with wealth.
Therefore
success
 is depending
on
Change preposition
from
show examples
person
 to
person
.
For instance
, a student might be happy to achieve
A
Correct article usage
an A
show examples
grade in studies
while
mountain
Correct article usage
a mountain
show examples
climber
Fix the agreement mistake
climbers
show examples
go
Change the verb form
goes
show examples
 for tracking as happiness. Both
equality
Change to a plural noun
equalities
show examples
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
 joy.
Thus
 difficult to
measure
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success
.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 poor entrepreneur can be more successful with less income than a rich businessman with the profits he gets. The majority of
community
Add an article
the community
a community
show examples
 might feel proud of the achievements when they aimed for.
Nevertheless
, we cannot deny that money is useless but there is no hard and fast rule.
For
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
 a popular actor who feel to purchase numerous cars
as
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 a
shows
Correct the article-noun agreement
show
show examples
 of strength.
In
Change preposition
For
show examples
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 famous Bollywood actor
Sharuk
Correct your spelling
Shahrukh
 Khan has
range
Add an article
a range
show examples
 of
all the
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
modern cars and
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 vehicles. Meanwhile, showing wealth or richness cannot be
measure
Wrong verb form
measured
show examples
 through materials. A successful
person
 comes
accordingly
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 thoughts. In conclusion,
my
Change preposition
in my
show examples
 opinion achievements can
be vary
Change the verb form
vary
show examples
, depending
human
Change preposition
on human
show examples
 to human.
Therefore
success
 cannot
be
Change the verb form
be measuring
show examples
measure
what
Change preposition
by what
show examples
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
 achieved
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
life
 goals. After all, many is a sign of dedication well they cannot be calculated as a
success
 in human
life
Submitted by swapnajayakody on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: