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Band 5.5

The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #team #sports #school
I agree with the former opinion that
sports
 positively have the strongest character for education cooperation in
group
 and it is based
Firstly
 there are multiple things which
students
 need to think about in each scene
while
 playing
sports
.
For example
, in volleyball, players are demanded to predict where the ball is flying to
while
 thinking about the strategy of the
group
 and checking where the other players including teammates are at the same time.
Moreover
, the situation is changing every second. To get more practical experience and situations, it is
simple
Replace the word
simply
show examples
 that
students
 can go through deeper and more complex
socialize
Replace the word
social
show examples
 skills by playing
sports
,
therefore
,
sports
 are the best
way
 for getting the ability to associate within the
group
.
Additionally
,
thousand
Correct your spelling
thousands
show examples
 of types of
sports
 are played around the world and the variety of them are countless, it can be part of
entertain
Replace the word
entertainment
show examples
 for them of playing
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
 type of
sports
.
However
,
sports
 do not work for every student, the unkilled
students
 can not have risen their association
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
way
, compared with killed
students
 in
sports
.
For example
,
Basket ball
Correct your spelling
Basketball
show examples
 is one of the famous team
sports
 around the world. It is common in the education platform and it is often played in classes. For the
students
 who like to play
basket ball
Correct your spelling
basketball
show examples
,
this
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 valuable
way
 to learn
working
Change the verb form
to work
show examples
 as
group
Add an article
a group
show examples
,
on the other
hand
Add the comma(s)
,hand
show examples
 the
students
 who do not play well
such
 as scaring balls,
afraid
Add a missing verb
are afraid
show examples
 of physical
attacking
Replace the word
attack
show examples
 and inexperience which are
typical
Add an article
the typical
a typical
show examples
 negative
character
Replace the word
characteristics
show examples
 of basketball even more
sports
. They have been losing their opportunities,
furthermore
, the experience of failure like incorporation with
team mates
Correct your spelling
teammates
show examples
 let them believe that they have poor social skills. The
sports
 do not cover
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
all
students
.
Overall
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports
 have
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 prominent
way
 of teaching how to build themselves in
group
Add an article
the group
a group
show examples
 even though
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 lacking of
conscious
Replace the word
consciousness
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
students
 who do
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
prefere
Correct your spelling
prefer
sports
.
Therefore
,
sports
 are the most practical
way
 of teaching cooperation to
students
.
Submitted by soumya.krishnamurthy on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • values
  • applied
  • aspects
  • belonging
  • camaraderie
  • participating
  • essential
  • social skills
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