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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the number of adults participating in different major sports in one area, in 1997 and 2017. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of adults participating in different major sports in one area, in 1997 and 2017. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#adults #sports #area #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart illustrates data about the number of people who participated in seven
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 most significant kind of sports in the years 1997 and 2017.
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from the chart is that gentle walking was by far the most popular hobby throughout the
period
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, basketball showed the least common sport at the beginning of the
period
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
chricket
Correct your spelling
cricket
chicken
 came bottom of the chart
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
. As regards the details, the number of adults who took part in cricket in 1997 was considerably higher than in 2017, the figure dropped three times
during
Change preposition
over
show examples
 20 years. In terms of gym usage, it had been equally popular over
this
Linking Words
 time. Regarding jogging, individuals were slightly more interested in
this
Linking Words
 in 2017 rather than
1997
Change preposition
in 1997
show examples
, at nearly 36
thousand
Use synonyms
 as opposed to 33
thousand
Use synonyms
.
By contrast
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, if we look at
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2017, there were few fields in which
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 competitions outnumbered others.
For instance
Linking Words
, twice as many people participated in basketball games in 2017 as in 1997.
In addition
Linking Words
,
football
Correct article usage
the football
show examples
 and hiking trend was nearly the same,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 started
about
Change preposition
at about
show examples
 34
thousand
Use synonyms
 and went up
almost
Change preposition
to almost
show examples
 50
thousand
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, the data
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 gentle walking illustrated a slight increase of 5
thousand
Use synonyms
 over the
period
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by jelizaveta.andrejeva on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words period, thousand with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rate
  • increase/decrease in numbers
  • trend
  • decade
  • relatively stable
  • major sports
  • potential reasons
  • contributing factors
  • public interest
  • comparison
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