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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have a risk. Do you think that advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages?

#media #age #groups #information #websites #risk
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There is no denying the fact that social
media
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 is a significant part of the world.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that scrolling in social
media
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 has a beneficial impact on our society, there is
also
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 an argument that sharing personal information on websites does have a jeopardy impact.
This
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 essay will discuss both points of view and express my opinion. On the one hand, plenty of
people
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 rely on social
media
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 for a lot of things.
In other words
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, with social applications, we can communicate with friends or family, at the same time sharing memories.
In addition
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, lots of celebrities start their own businesses from social
media
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 which helps them own real estate.
For example
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, my cousin’s daughter starts from social
media
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 to sell their products.
On the other hand
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, the majority of
people
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 are afraid of the concept of sharing special information on social
media
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. It is
also
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 possible to say that the government has a considerable role in making the public aware of potential dangers.
Moreover
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, sharing daily routines on social
media
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 could expose you to hacking.
For Instance
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, we should raise awareness about advertisements
due to
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 a lot of
people
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's effect on any announcement. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks of social
media
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,
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apply
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 because it depends on how to use these websites in a good way and help others
as well as
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 beginning own business. Eventually, From my perspective, social
media
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 has been a great way to keep
people
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 engaged and active.
Submitted by raghadyaseer2015 on

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task achievement
Your essay covers both advantages and disadvantages of social media, which is good. However, try to elaborate more on your points with detailed examples or statistics.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are clear, but you could enhance clarity by connecting your paragraphs better, using transitional phrases more effectively.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing your points effectively.
task achievement
You have tackled both sides of the argument which reflects a balanced approach to the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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