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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the proportion of population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040in three countries

The graph below shows the proportion of population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040in three countries
#proportion #population #three #countries
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The assigned line graph expounds the information about
population
Add an article
the population
a population
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 of the three different nations
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is 65 aged
peroson
Correct your spelling
person
 in between 1940 to 2040. The data is calibrated into
Add an article
a percentage
show examples
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the above graph that aged 65 people of
population
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the population
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 showed
upward
Add an article
an upward
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 trend in all countries. Commencing at 9%,which was the highest proportion
of
Change preposition
in
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USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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 in 1940, later, it
was gradually increase
Change the verb form
was gradually increased
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 from 1940 to 1980,about
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
15%
than
Replace the word
then
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 there was
declined
Change the form of the verb
decline
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 of 1%
upto
Use synonyms
 2020. Afterwards,
fraction
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the fraction
a fraction
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 will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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dramatically
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
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of
Change preposition
by
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 9%
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between 2021 to 2040.
In addition
Linking Words
, the lowest percentage
noticed
Add a missing verb
was noticed
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 in Japan, which stood at 5%, having a
modestly
Change the adverb
modest
show examples
 downfall of 2%,upto1980. The ratio was slightly
rised
Correct your spelling
raised
rise
 in upcoming years,
Use synonyms
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 2023
than
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
fraction
Correct article usage
the fraction
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 goes
its
Change preposition
to its
show examples
 peak value in 2040(27%). Probing
further
Linking Words
, Sweden had
7
Correct article usage
a 7
show examples
% proportion in
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 year than ratio was fluctuating incline
upto
Use synonyms
 its future year
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is 2040, goes its end value around
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
25%.
Submitted by bhullarsimran2121 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "that is".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words upto with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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