IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. State your own opinion in about 300 words. Give illustrations and examples.

#people #information #research #business #world #illustrations
In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern society, the spread of
information
 is very
conveniently
Change the word
convenient
show examples
 and quickly over the
world
. The valuable
information
 created by some people is
easily
Replace the adverb
easy
show examples
 to be shared
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 others. So, is it necessary to share as much
information
 as possible? There is a critical discussion about it. The development in academic and scientific
research
 needs more
information
 sharing. The
scholar
Replace the word
scholarly
show examples
 literature is the most important vehicle for promoting academic
research
. In the
research
 of Piwowar (2018), the paywall on the web limited
access
 to three-quarters of
scholar
Replace the word
scholarly
show examples
 literature, which means it needs to cost a lot to
access
 the paywalled journal.
Therefore
, small institutions and these in the developing
world
 often have poor
access
 to the literature, where the development
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 academic
research
 is restricted.
In contrast
 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
“restricted
access
”, “open
access
” helps to obtain the article freely. In
Buehling
Correct your spelling
Buehler
Building
, K.’s
research
 in 2022, the Sci-Hub, as the greatest free pirate website in the
world
 to provide mass and public
access
 to
research
 papers, assisted to increase the number of authors of academic
research
 from less-developed countries and regions. In
business
Add an article
the business
show examples
world
,
information
 is the source of profit which should be shared in limitation. Before the date of 10th March 2023, no one would believe the Silicon Valley
Bank
 will go bankrupt. Over the past few months, the depositor became more and more anxious and
panic
Wrong verb form
panicked
show examples
 as the
information
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 failing business
operation
Fix the agreement mistake
operations
show examples
 spread
though
Correct your spelling
through
show examples
 the market. Eventually, the
bank
 went bankrupt
while
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 more and more depositors withdrew their funds from the
bank
.
That is
 why the
bank
 usually
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not share
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
negative
information
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the market.
For private
Change preposition
Private
show examples
information
, it is not allowed to be shared in an arbitrary manner. The private
information
include
Change the verb form
includes
show examples
 name, address, phone number,
bank
 account and so forth. It is very dangerous to be shared as it is possible to be used by bad guys to do illegal matters.
Overall
, it is important to share
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
valuable
information
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 others, but the extent of sharing depends on the different
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
.
Submitted by louis.pang.sa on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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