IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Being a celebrity, such as a famous film star or sports personality, brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

#celebrity #film #star #sports #personality
People
 who are celebrities
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 must get used to their popularity, though because of
this
 they may be restricted in a lot of options,
for example
 walking on the street has already become a problem.
Firstly
, when becoming popular, a person might lose caution feeling, exhibiting other negative qualities,
such
 as arrogance, unfriendliness, anger and many others. It is related to
specificity
Add an article
the specificity
show examples
 of publicity, it seems to you that you are cool, and others can'
t
 reach your level, because they are not as nice as you. The amount of problems you might potentially receive, as with great power comes great responsibility. Depending on the fame you gain, you get started to realize that there are not only benefits of being popular, but shortcomings as well. Individuals that don'
t
 want to be popular understand these flaws and develop in other fields, that are interesting for them.
Secondly
, the number of
people
 that are popular
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is not as much as it seems a first glance, a majority of them as a rule, might be known in local circles, and they are not suffering from much attention. it suits them, having their fans, they don'
t
 have to hide,
consequently
, they calmly walk the streets, and don'
t
 worry about whether they will be recognized.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they rather get paid less than many famous
people
, it has its own advantages, that might outweigh them for some
people
. Thereby, considering the advantages and disadvantages of being popular, it could be said that based on the side which you want to join, you will get its own deficiencies and preferences
Submitted by fruitextract on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow by organizing your ideas more clearly into distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences.
task achievement
Develop each point with more in-depth examples and explanations to strengthen your argument and make your ideas clearer.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports or explores the essay’s central argument in a cohesive manner.
task achievement
Include more specific, relevant examples to support your ideas and add depth to your essay.
task achievement
The essay tackles both sides of the argument regarding celebrity life, acknowledging both its benefits and problems.
coherence cohesion
There is an attempt to include an introductory statement and a concluding line in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Public scrutiny
  • Intrusive
  • Endorsements
  • Sponsorships
  • Financial security
  • High-profile collaborations
  • Social influence
  • Philanthropic efforts
  • Trust issues
  • Mental health challenges
  • Substance abuse
  • Pressures of celebrity
  • Expectations
  • Disconnect from reality
  • Normalcy
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!