IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The bar charts below shows the number of visits to a community website in the first and second year of use

The bar charts below shows the number of visits to a community website in the first and second year of use
#bar #visits #community #website #first #second #year
The table indicates the total use of community
website
Fix the agreement mistake
websites
show examples
 in
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 two years. It provided
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
statistics
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 how
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
 people visited the
website
 in the beginning.
Further
, the study focused only
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 first and second
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 of use.
To begin
 with, new
website
Fix the agreement mistake
websites
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their early days
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
 time until
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 became
populer
Correct your spelling
popular
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. It is
claer
Correct your spelling
clear
 that
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the beginning of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
site
Add a comma
,site
show examples
 the numbers weren't unwelcome, as it shows the chart in September the publish of the site.
In addition
, from October until
August
Add a comma
,August
show examples
 the
website
remined
Correct your spelling
remained
 stable in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
visitors
Correct quantifier usage
number of visitors
show examples
 the highest number reached was in August
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
15000.
However
, in the second year of the
site
Add a comma
,site
show examples
 it became more common in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Even though at the
beginnig
Correct your spelling
beginning
 the number didn't grow, it increased sharply from November to July reaching 23000
visitor
Change to a plural noun
visitors
show examples
.
According to
 the data provided the
website
 is rising dramatically and
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 more popular
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 people.
Also
, in the third
year
Add a comma
,year
show examples
 I expect to
acheive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 higher in the total.
Submitted by a7mdzh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words website with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "provided" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: