The bar charts below shows the number of visits to a community website in the first and second year of use

The bar charts below shows the number of visits to a community website in the first and second year of use
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The table indicates the total use of community
Use synonyms
website
Fix the agreement mistake
websites
show examples
in
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
two years. It provided
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
statistics
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
how
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
people visited the
website
Use synonyms
in the beginning.
Further
Linking Words
, the study focused only
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
first and second
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
of use.
To begin
Linking Words
with, new
Use synonyms
website
Fix the agreement mistake
websites
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
their early days
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
time until
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
became
populer
Correct your spelling
popular
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. It is
claer
Correct your spelling
clear
that
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
the beginning of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
site
Add a comma
,site
show examples
the numbers weren't unwelcome, as it shows the chart in September the publish of the site.
In addition
Linking Words
, from October until
August
Add a comma
,August
show examples
the
website
Use synonyms
remined
Correct your spelling
remained
stable in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
visitors
Correct quantifier usage
number of visitors
show examples
the highest number reached was in August
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
15000.
However
Linking Words
, in the second year of the
site
Add a comma
,site
show examples
it became more common in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Even though at the
beginnig
Correct your spelling
beginning
the number didn't grow, it increased sharply from November to July reaching 23000
visitor
Change to a plural noun
visitors
show examples
.
According to
Linking Words
the data provided the
website
Use synonyms
is rising dramatically and
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
more popular
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
people.
Also
Linking Words
, in the third
year
Add a comma
,year
show examples
I expect to
acheive
Correct your spelling
achieve
higher in the total.
Submitted by a7mdzh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Vocabulary: Replace the words website with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "provided" was used 2 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: