IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

People think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others believe that there are other alternative solutions for reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion on this topic.

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there is a current debate surrounding whether longer
prison
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 sentences or alternative solutions can be applied to reduce the rate of
crime
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. personally, I hold the belief that there is a variety of ways that should be utilized with a view to minimizing the number of criminals. on the one hand, imposing long-term
prison
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 sentences can be effective in certain circumstances. it is true that offenders are able to be aware of the intensity of punishment which is both strict and serious,so they can be discouraged from becoming criminals.
for example
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, in the UAE, criminals, especially rapists and murderers usually get lifetime
prison
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 sentences
due to
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 their anti-social behaviour.
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as
Capitalize word
As
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 a result,
people
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 need to think carefully before committing a
crime
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 there.
therefore
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, it is believed that strict punishment can prevent
people
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 from crimes.
on the other hand
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, the availability of education and employment can reduce
crime
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 rates significantly.
firstly
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, providing proper education facilities are likely to broaden
people
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's horizon about morality, which can help them to understand the core value of life.
hence
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,
people
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 would have an optimistic view towards their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 and be away from crimes.
furthermore
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, most
people
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 commit crimes because of the burden of finance, so a variety of occupations should be supplied to keep them busy and have a better standard of living.
for instance
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, in Sweden, the government is working continuously for more employment opportunities,
thus
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 the
crime
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 rate in
this
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 nation is remarkably low. in conclusion,
although
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 the effectiveness of longer
prison
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 terms is undeniable, I strongly believe that the supply of education facilities and employment opportunities is the far better option. it is predicted that the problem of
crime
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 will be eliminated completely in the future if these methods are applied in a proper way.

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task response
The essay adequately addresses the topic and includes relevant examples. However, ensure that every point made directly relates to the topic and that the essay fully addresses both views and provides a clear opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion, with a logical structure and clear introduction and conclusion. Make sure to use linking words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • habitual offenders
  • retribution
  • rehabilitation
  • overcrowding
  • recidivism
  • community service
  • restorative justice
  • crime prevention programs
  • youth mentorship
  • neighborhood watch
  • justice system
  • re-offending
  • financial strain
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