In many countries traditional customs are being lost. Why do you think this is? What can parents and schools do to keep traditional customs alive?

#countries #customs #parents #schools

It is true that native customs will lost because

new

Correct article usage

the new

show examples

generation prefer to wear new fashion styles ,and the number of people who

wearing

Wrong verb form

wear

show examples

new dress are increasing.

While

some

group

Fix the agreement mistake

groups

show examples

of people believe that

this

action may

negative

Add a missing verb

be negative

show examples

for us

Rephrase

apply

show examples

, parents and schools should

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

support

this

problem. And it

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

many reasons why people do not like old styles

dress

Change preposition

of dress

show examples

This

essay will discuss

this

situation.

Submitted by itchayatop31 on Mon Nov 20 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Your introduction lacks a clear thesis statement that addresses both parts of the question. It's important to explicitly state why traditional customs are being lost and how parents and schools can maintain these traditions.

coherence and cohesion

The logical flow of your essay is weak because there is no clear progression from the introduction to a detailed discussion of the reasons and solutions. Utilize cohesive devices and paragraphing to improve the readability and organization.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS writing?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

2Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

1 paragraphs

69 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
Anybody can use a mobile phone to answer the work and personal calls at any time or 7 days a week. Does this development have more positive or negative effects on both individuals and society?
Technology has come such a long way nowadays that people can make use of their mobile phone to answer work or personal calls at any time. Although there are some negative consequences of this development on individuals and society, I believe that they are outweighed by the positive effects.
4
band
Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists but not local people. Why is this the case and what can be done to attract more local people to visit these places?
Nowaday, a lot of museums and historical sites seem attract tourists, rather than locals. This is a problem which greatly impacts the local tourism industry. There are several reasons leading to this and solutions should be adopted to solve this issue.
5
band
Many countries aim to improve their living standard by economic development but some important social values are lost as a result. Do you think advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages.
Many governments try to focus on the economic development of their countries. Some argue that it is beneficial, however, some also believe that it is deteriorating for social values of a nation. While I agree that this could lead to some undesirable effects, the upside impacts of it far outweigh the downsides.
4.5
band
It is sometimes suggested that primary school children should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals. Do you think that the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Some people propound that children at a young age must be taught in growing plants and nurturing animals. This has its advantages however, I believe that it is inappropriate. This essay shall discuss both merits and drawbacks and I shall see forth my point of view.
4.5
band
As children become adults, their social behaviour changes in some ways. What are the main differences between young children's social behaviour and that of adults? to what extent are the changes that take place good?
Although some people would argue that we do not change any fundamental ways as we developed from young children to adults.But others consider that there are some marked differences in our social behaviour as we get older.Moreover,those people have strong feelings on their argument.However,both views will be discussed before drowning a reasonable conclusion.

In many countries traditional customs are being lost. Why do you think this is? What can parents and schools do to keep traditional customs alive?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Anybody can use a mobile phone to answer the work and personal calls at any time or 7 days a week. Does this development have more positive or negative effects on both individuals and society?

Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists but not local people. Why is this the case and what can be done to attract more local people to visit these places?

Many countries aim to improve their living standard by economic development but some important social values are lost as a result. Do you think advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages.

It is sometimes suggested that primary school children should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals. Do you think that the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

As children become adults, their social behaviour changes in some ways. What are the main differences between young children's social behaviour and that of adults? to what extent are the changes that take place good?