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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

These days, mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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In the contemporary world, human interaction has significantly changed with the advent of cellular phones and networking. One can opine that
this
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 change has more pros than cons and the reasons are highlighted below.
To begin
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 with, one of the advantages of using modern
communication
Use synonyms
 techniques is that they are always less time-consuming to convey the message. Phone calls can be in real-time,
while
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 electronic mail or messages can be sent instantaneously.
For example
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, a phone call from America can reach Japan almost instantly.
Thus
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,
this
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 development has improved the way we interact.
In addition
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, the competition between service providers has resulted in curbing the cost of
communication
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 which has permitted more wider circle of relationships between communities. The best example of
this
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 is social media groups, where the location of each participant is scattered around the globe. So, our interactions have enhanced the culture through the sharing of values around the world. In
such
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 a way, these technologies are advantageous to the people.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 has some demerits too. A man, who overindulges in
communication
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 through the phone or the internet, can develop mental health problems. There are many scientific papers which say the same. One
such
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 article has mentioned about suicidal tendencies and depression among cyber-addicted youths.
Although
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this
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 is an obvious disadvantage, the advantages are more to support their usage.
To conclude
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, there are far more benefits than drawbacks to using mobile phones and the Internet for
communication
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. The disadvantages can be curtailed by adopting preventive measures.

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task response
The essay does a good job of fully addressing the prompt. However, adding more specific examples and analyses would further strengthen your arguments.
task response
Try to avoid generic statements like 'scientific papers say the same' and instead reference specific studies or findings.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between ideas to enhance the logical flow of the essay, as the essay occasionally feels fragmented.
introduction conclusion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
supported main points
The points made are relevant and contribute to a comprehensive answer to the question.
relevant specific examples
Your essay uses specific examples like phone calls from America to Japan, which help to clarify your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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