IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say patriotism causes problems and is negative overall. Others feel that it is beneficial for society at large. Do the advantages of patriotism outweigh its disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Numerous individuals assume that when people become patriotic, particularly in extreme situations, issues could arise. Another school of thought,
however
Linking Words
, contends that demonstrating national loyalty is honourable and beneficial. I am in favour of the latter view because
this
Linking Words
 tendency can bring a range of social advantages to a certain
country
Use synonyms
. Undeniably, extreme
patriotism
Use synonyms
 may be problematic
due to
Linking Words
 its negative consequences for society and the economy. Regarding the former,
patriotism
Use synonyms
 is sometimes associated with a sense of superiority over other nations. The loyalty that a person expresses towards their
country
Use synonyms
 may prompt them to believe that inhabitants from other nations are inferior.
This
Linking Words
 can hamper them from engaging in international trade or global diplomacy, which can have an adverse bearing on their economic advancement. Another drawback is that in contemporary society,
while
Linking Words
 every nation enjoys equal standing on a global scale, any
country
Use synonyms
 that
putting its self
Replace the word
puts itself
show examples
 on a pedestal is destructive to the mutual connection of numerous countries. In severe circumstances,
this
Linking Words
 may be the primary reason why terrorism occurs all around the world.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, despite the above-mentioned arguments, I suppose nationalism can be advantageous in terms of fostering national solidarity.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
patriotism
Use synonyms
 plays a vital role in bonding individuals living in the same community, which motivates them to appreciate the communal values of their motherland. In
this
Linking Words
 case,
patriotism
Use synonyms
 might be viewed as a means of protecting the
country
Use synonyms
 from invaders.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, national solidarity is a prerequisite element to help individuals make an effort
in enhancing
Change preposition
to enhance
show examples
 their fundamental knowledge about long-established cultures and valuable traditions. In the long run,
this
Linking Words
 propensity will bring tremendous benefits to a
country
Use synonyms
's cultural preservation. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 intense
patriotism
Use synonyms
 can be detrimental to the global economy and society of a
country
Use synonyms
, I concur that its merits,
such
Linking Words
 as strengthening national unity and conserving national traditions, outweigh its demerits.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your essay presents a balanced view on the topic and addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of patriotism. However, the support for the advantages of patriotism could be more detailed. Try to provide specific examples and elaborate on how patriotism can bring social benefits.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a reasonable logical structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To further enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using transition words and phrases to link your ideas more effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fosters
  • sense of belonging
  • strengthening societal bonds
  • instills
  • pride and loyalty
  • excessive
  • nationalism
  • intolerance
  • discrimination
  • conflict
  • blind allegiance
  • flawed policies
  • unifying force
  • crisis
  • manipulated
  • political leaders
  • division
  • advocating
  • responsibility
  • civic duty
  • engaged
  • informed citizenship
  • balanced and inclusive
  • cultural diversity
  • marginalize
  • minority groups
  • stifle dissent
What to do next:
Look at other essays: