Some people say patriotism causes problems and is negative overall. Others feel that it is beneficial for society at large. Do the advantages of patriotism outweigh its disadvantages?

#people #patriotism #society

Numerous individuals assume that when people become patriotic, particularly in extreme situations, issues could arise. Another school of thought,

however

, contends that demonstrating national loyalty is honourable and beneficial. I am in favour of the latter view because

this

tendency can bring a range of social advantages to a certain

country

. Undeniably, extreme

patriotism

may be problematic

due to

its negative consequences for society and the economy. Regarding the former,

patriotism

is sometimes associated with a sense of superiority over other nations. The loyalty that a person expresses towards their

country

may prompt them to believe that inhabitants from other nations are inferior.

This

can hamper them from engaging in international trade or global diplomacy, which can have an adverse bearing on their economic advancement. Another drawback is that in contemporary society,

while

every nation enjoys equal standing on a global scale, any

country

that

putting its self

Replace the word

puts itself

show examples

on a pedestal is destructive to the mutual connection of numerous countries. In severe circumstances,

this

may be the primary reason why terrorism occurs all around the world.

Nevertheless

, despite the above-mentioned arguments, I suppose nationalism can be advantageous in terms of fostering national solidarity.

Firstly

patriotism

plays a vital role in bonding individuals living in the same community, which motivates them to appreciate the communal values of their motherland. In

this

case,

patriotism

might be viewed as a means of protecting the

country

from invaders.

Furthermore

, national solidarity is a prerequisite element to help individuals make an effort

in enhancing

Change preposition

to enhance

show examples

their fundamental knowledge about long-established cultures and valuable traditions. In the long run,

this

propensity will bring tremendous benefits to a

country

's cultural preservation. In conclusion,

while

intense

patriotism

can be detrimental to the global economy and society of a

country

, I concur that its merits,

such

as strengthening national unity and conserving national traditions, outweigh its demerits.

Submitted by dangtranquoctrung01 on Wed Mar 22 2023

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task response

Your essay presents a balanced view on the topic and addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of patriotism. However, the support for the advantages of patriotism could be more detailed. Try to provide specific examples and elaborate on how patriotism can bring social benefits.

coherence cohesion

Your essay demonstrates a reasonable logical structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To further enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using transition words and phrases to link your ideas more effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

307 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

fosters
sense of belonging
strengthening societal bonds
instills
pride and loyalty
excessive
nationalism
intolerance
discrimination
conflict
blind allegiance
flawed policies
unifying force
crisis
manipulated
political leaders
division
advocating
responsibility
civic duty
engaged
informed citizenship
balanced and inclusive
cultural diversity
marginalize
minority groups
stifle dissent

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Some people say patriotism causes problems and is negative overall. Others feel that it is beneficial for society at large. Do the advantages of patriotism outweigh its disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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