IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people today would argue that cinemas are becoming irrelevant due to new streaming services. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #cinemas #services
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Nowadays,
people
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 have been arguing that
cinemas
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 are losing their popularity and importance because of online
movie
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 applications. I mostly agree with that suggestion because these
services
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 are cheaper than
cinemas
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 and they present
diversity
Correct article usage
a diversity
show examples
 of
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contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
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 in their systems.
Firstly
Linking Words
, access
of
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to
show examples
movie
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 stream
services
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affordable
Add a missing verb
is affordable
show examples
 for
people
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.
Contrast
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In contrast
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 to the cinema ticket values,
movie
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 and series enthusiasts can become a member of service databases with cheap prices.
For instance
Linking Words
, members of these streams can gain three months access of
service
Change preposition
to service
show examples
Use synonyms
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 for two ticket
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 of
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
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. In
these situation
Change the determiner
this situation
these situations
show examples
, most
people
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opt
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toopt
show examples
 buy some
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contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 from service suppliers
instead
Linking Words
 of going to watch them.
Thus
Linking Words
,
cinemas
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 have lost their impact on viewers.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
movie
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 stream applications ensure
vast
Correct article usage
a vast
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 to their clients
while
Linking Words
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
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 presents
one time
Add a hyphen
one-time
show examples
exhibition
Fix the agreement mistake
exhibitions
show examples
. Consumers of these
services
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 can reach these movies and series
by
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on
show examples
 their
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
, television and notebook every time and everywhere. To illustrate that, if you miss the exhibition of a brand new film in
cinemas
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, you can watch it at midnight
in
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on
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 a holiday trip.
In addition
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, some
services
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 provide recording rights of
contents
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 for free.
Hence
Linking Words
, members can enjoy
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contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 without
online
Add an article
an online
show examples
 connection. In short,
due to
Linking Words
 these advantages
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
above,
people
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 have lost their ties with
cinemas
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. In conclusion, causes and examples can be multiplied with
this
Linking Words
 suggestion.
Although
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,
cinemas
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 are still important in
sight
Add an article
the sight
show examples
 of many artists and viewers, in my opinion, online streams have taken a considerable place in terms of
movie
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 enthusiasts’ preference and it seems like they would capture
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
all market. 46 dk.
Submitted by metehancakiroglu3435 on

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