Children have to be educated but they also have to be allowed to learn things for themselves . To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view

#children

Computers

provide us with a worldwide social range . Even though

that is

good it has greatly reduced the rate of physical interactions and going out. I agree to a greater extent that

computers

allow us to stay connected with each other . Gone are the days

where

Correct word choice

when

show examples

you had to wait for weeks for a letter to arrive from someone

Change preposition

show examples

the other side of the country. Nowadays my sister who is in the UK is just a ring away

with

Change preposition

from

show examples

facetime being available on my Mac . There is no excuse for not communicating

besides

time zones of course . Working

off premises

Add a hyphen

off-premises

show examples

has never been less complicated . Your employer is just a VPN away . 5G has

also

made intercontinental work possible.

For instance

, I recently saw a Chinese engineer operating a Crane which was in Australia all the way from China . International conferences are no longer a daunting task , just jump onto Google Teams and

world shifting

Add a hyphen

world-shifting

show examples

meetings are facilitated.

However

, all that glitters is not gold. Family time and bonds

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

drastically suffered from

this

wave of

computers

. We are often guilty of prioritizing communication with those farthest away from us resulting in our isolation from those close to us. No one regards the value of physical interactions and the old going out . We are greatly affecting our health and avoidable issues like sore eyes , back pains are becoming a norm

due to

the time we spend on our screens. In

conclusion

Add a comma

,conclusion

show examples

computers

have brought about a revolution that has greatly boosted world economies but it

also

has a gloomy side we should not ignore.

Submitted by marthapriscandhlovu on Thu Mar 23 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

277 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Children have to be educated but they also have to be allowed to learn things for themselves . To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think that governments should do more to make their citizens eat a healthy diet. Others believe that individuals must take responsibility for their own diet and health. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors, may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, should be done about it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people say that celebrities should accept the way the media publicize their private life as part of their fame. Do you agree or disagree?

City living in the 21st century is stressful and offers no advantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society.Others,however,believe that school is the place to learn this.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.