Nowadays many teenagers have a celebrity who they follow as a role model. Some people think this is not a good idea, because celebrities often set a bad example. Do you agree or disagree?

Today in our world, hardly all
people
surfing
Wrong verb form
surf
show examples
the internet, and probably you noticed how
celebrities
affect
to
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apply
show examples
teenagers
, some
people
and me
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
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that is
not a great example to follow, and others
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
show examples
that is
not a big problem. I
inclined
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am inclined
show examples
to deem that half of
celebrities
not
Add a missing verb
are not
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kind healthy
people
, and I have some reasons
about
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for
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that.
Firstly
, a lot of
celebrities
have
such
bad habitats, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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if
teenagers
will follow
to
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apply
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media stars, they maybe will suffer.
Secondly
, stars got a lot of achievements
in
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apply
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compared to
teenagers
, because of
that
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that teenager
those teenagers
show examples
teenagers
should have
a
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apply
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good
behavior
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behaviour
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,
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apply
show examples
because most of all
celebrities
speak with
people
like
with
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apply
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losers even if it is true. And
thirdly
, most
of
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apply
show examples
celebrities
Add an article
the celebrities
show examples
are not
propogandists
Correct your spelling
propagandists
of
peaceful
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a peaceful
show examples
and healthy life, even if they do not
doing
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do
show examples
bad things, it does not mean that they can be icons for kids.
On the other
hand
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,hand
show examples
I think every human can make a
decide
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decision
show examples
for yourselves. All
celebrities
is
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are
show examples
very well talented
people
who can be
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
of
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in
show examples
his
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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or
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
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profession.
Also
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,Also
show examples
a lot of boys trying to be like their
favorite
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favourite
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athlete,
for
instance
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,instance
show examples
my idol in
sport
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sports
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is Cristiano Ronaldo, and because of
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
I started to train three times a week. Usually for girls idols
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
singers or actors, and
this
is
also
cool.
To sum up
, I deem that follow to
celebrities
as
a icons
Correct the article-noun agreement
an icon
icons
show examples
is not
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
wish
Add the particle
to wish
show examples
,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
we need to be greater than they are
Submitted by argyn-34 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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