IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, people are moving away from rural areas and towards urban areas. Why do you think that is? What problems can this cause?

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In recent years, some people
prefer
Wrong verb form
have preferred
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 to live in urban
areas
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 rather than
stay
Verb problem
apply
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in rural
areas
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. There is a massive migration of residents from village to city that
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
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 tremendously year by year. In my opinion, it is a good choice for the citizens,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 there should be a proper balance for both those
areas
Use synonyms
Firstly
Linking Words
, It is an actual fact that some communities who live in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 are often complaining about the
facilities
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 in the village. Education and Healthcare are two important things that are needed by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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mankind in recent years. Many communities believe that those aspects are required to
escalate
Verb problem
improve
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 the quality of their life.
For instance
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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facilities
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such
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 as Cinemas,
Cafe
Fix the agreement mistake
cafes
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, and
School
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Schools
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 are provided better in the city. The other main problem is the healthcare facility in the village is not as good as
modern
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the modern
a modern
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 city has. One of the main causes is the lack of development in those
areas
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. 50 years ago, many governments underestimated the issue of population and growth issues in their country.
As a result
Linking Words
, the number of residents is centralized in the modern town,
thus
Linking Words
 it affects the development of supporting
facilities
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 inside the town as well, and it raises the disparity between those
areas
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, 70% of the cities in Indonesia are dominated by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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construction in the modern area.
In addition
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, to avoid
this
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 kind of problem, the government should provide the same
facilities
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 in the rural
areas
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 which they provide in the urban
areas
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. In conclusion, moving into the different
areas
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 is one thing that can be considered for the citizens if there is a balance between these two
areas
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, family and government should work together and develop the places. So, there is no need for societies to move into urban
areas
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.

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task response
While the essay provides a complete response to the task, ensure your ideas are consistently clear and fully developed. This will enhance comprehension.
task response
Develop ideas further by incorporating more specific and varied examples. It will strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one to improve the logical flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Consider expanding on the points made, providing fuller explanations. This will help in building your argument more thoroughly.
coherence and cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good structure to the response.
task response
The topic is addressed, and there is a selection of relevant examples, even though they can be expanded further.
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