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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
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Smart phones
Correct your spelling
Smartphones
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 represent the icon of technology which is very common among all ages of people. Especially,
this
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 becomes the addiction of
children
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.
This
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 essay explains the reason for being a trouble for
students
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as well as
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 the drawbacks which happen
due to
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this
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 development. The main reason for addiction to the
smart phone
Correct your spelling
smartphone
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 is
the
Correct article usage
apply
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age. Most of the
students
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 like to have
experiments
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experimented
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 at
the
Correct article usage
a
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 young age and they don’t have enough knowledge to stand up with the right things. As an example, most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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children
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 use their
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
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 not for getting knowledge and most of them use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 for other activities
such
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 as
play
Replace the word
playing
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 video games and
watch
Wrong verb form
watching
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 movies.
Although
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, all the video games create to getting
the
Correct article usage
apply
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attraction and those attract
students
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 fail to move with
the
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apply
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society.
However
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, they spend more
times
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time
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 on it and
doesn’t
Correct subject-verb agreement
don’t
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 care about the environment where they live.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 leads to the unhealthy
generation
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 who struggle with so many deceases
such
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 as depression.
Furthermore
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, most of the
students
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 have missed their childhood experiences with the same age group
due to
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this
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 addiction.
Therefore
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, the
smart phone
Correct your spelling
smartphone
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 makes the
generation
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 who are having less social knowledge.
In addition
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,
this
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 leads to the inactive
generation
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 who
unable
Add a missing verb
are unable
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 to work in the real world and it generates unskilled robots
to
Change preposition
in
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 the workforce.
Moreover
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,
children
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 become irresponsible
for
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towards
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 their
family
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families
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.
To sum up
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, the time of
spend
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spending
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 on
Add an article
a smartphone
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smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
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 should replace with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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knowledgeable activities,
also
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children
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 should build
the
Correct article usage
a
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 bond with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. I believe
this
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 trend
bring
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brings
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young
Correct article usage
the young
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generation
Use synonyms
 to less psychological growth.
Submitted by uddeepa.eashani96 on

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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