IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, people increasingly talk about money such as how much they earn or how much they pay for things in their daily conversations. Why? Is this a positive or negative trend?

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One of the major issues that concern our society today is whether the fact that
people
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 talk constantly about
money
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 in their daily routine is beneficial or not. Strong arguments exist for
this
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 viewpoint, which implies that it is worth examining its perspective before reaching any conclusion.
To begin
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 with, in
this
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 day and age, especially in countries with economic crises,
people
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 care a lot about the amount of
money
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 that they spend daily.
For example
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, when the wages are extremely low but the prices of products are high, citizens struggle to make ends meet.
For
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this
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 reason, I believe that their daily expenditures are important to them.
Also
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, another reason is the competition among
people
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. To be more precise, many individuals want to know the number of others' earnings only because of jealousy. In
this
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 way, the issue of
money
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 is always on the table.
However
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, to my mind,
this
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 trend could have only detrimental effects on an individual's life. From the moment that
people
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 communicate so often how much they earn, subconsciously the only thing that matters to them is
money
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.
For instance
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, even if they have enough
money
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 to spend on their entertainment, they will not do it because they think that it is not necessary. In
this
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 way, they miss essential things from their lives,
such
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 as any kind of entertainment which can be
proved
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apply
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beneficial for their well-being. In conclusion, it is my firm belief that
people
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 need to keep
private
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apply
show examples
their earnings and talk about more serious issues, like poverty and the ways through which they could help. So,
people
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 do not end up being materialistic and care only about
money
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.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are clearly present and adequately address the task. The introduction should provide a clear overview of the main topic and the writer's perspective. The conclusion should summarise the main points and provide a clear recommendation or opinion.
task response
The essay provides a complete response to the task by addressing both aspects of the question and providing a clear opinion. The ideas are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, ensure that the focus is maintained on addressing the specific aspects of the task, such as the reasons for the trend and whether it is positive or negative.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the main points are supported with specific examples and evidence. Additionally, make sure to maintain a clear and logical structure throughout the essay, with appropriate use of linking words and cohesive devices.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumerism
  • materialism
  • financial transparency
  • societal taboos
  • economic fluctuations
  • financial management
  • financial literacy
  • purchasing decisions
  • wealth glorification
  • economic stratification
  • social comparison
  • peer pressure
  • income disparity
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