IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Cyber insecurity is a rising problem in many countries. What problems does a lack of cyber security cause to Internet users? What solutions can you suggest to solve it?

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These days, the number of
problems
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 is increasing sharply, including
cyber
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insecurity
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 in many countries. Based on
this
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 there are many
problems
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 come from
this
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 issue,
such
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 as identity
theft
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 and financial loss.
In addition
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, there are many ways to tackle the issue.
Firstly
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, one major problem resulting in identity
theft
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 and financial loss is
cyber
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insecurity
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. To explain, because of the lack of cybersecurity all over the world,
cyber
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problems
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 are growing with the days,
such
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 as the number of
hackers
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 and loss of private information.
For example
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,
cyber
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insecurity
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 leads to
theft
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 of identities and
theft
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 of financial things by
hackers
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.
Also
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 sometimes they blackmail the victims to give them money.
As a result
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,
this
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 problem is a serious issue because the person can face the risk of health
issues
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.
Additionally
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, is that some
hackers
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 use the Internet to bully people and harass them to take from the victim's money or to steal their identities in order to make bad
actions
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 for the victims.
Secondly
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, to tackle
cyber
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problems
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 the government should do something to forbid the increasing of
cyber
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insecurity
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issues
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. To clarify, the government should enhance cybersecurity serious laws and regulations to stop
cyber
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issues
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,
such
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 as putting fines on individuals who make
issues
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 on the internet and
imprison
Wrong verb form
imprisoning
show examples
 individuals who repeat bad
cyber
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actions
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.
Moreover
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, they have to share the names of
hackers
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 all over the world when they repeat these bad
actions
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 to protect others from them.
To sum up
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,
although
Linking Words
cyber
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insecurity
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issues
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 lead to serious and risky
problems
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, there are many ways to tackle it. I strongly believe that if the government put the correct roles for these
actions
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 the figure of
cyber
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insecurity
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problems
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 will disappear over the days.

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task achievement
Try to clarify your ideas more effectively with detailed explanations and specific examples to better support your main points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly develops one main idea and use appropriate linking words to increase the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in understanding the overall argument presented.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task by identifying problems caused by cyber insecurity and suggesting solutions.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cybersecurity
  • data breaches
  • malware
  • phishing attacks
  • identity theft
  • encryption
  • firewalls
  • antivirus software
  • two-factor authentication
  • public awareness campaigns
  • regulations
  • cybercriminals
  • digital hygiene
  • system vulnerabilities
  • data protection laws
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