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Band 6

Both the poor and rich people find accessibility into university difficult. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #accessibility #university
Some argued that both wealthy and poor people experienced the same difficulty in terms of university admission.
However
, from an under-developing country perspective, I completely disagree with
this
 idea. Surprisingly, some people believe that the university entrance examination treated everyone equally,
however
,
this
 is true only from the rich family's point of view. Because a wealthy family can afford outside tutors, which sometimes can cost more than the school tuition fee, a student will have a higher chance to get into the university.
For example
, more than 90% of
students
 in Thailand were enrolled in some type of tutor class. Not only because lessons taught in school are too simple, but because by receiving extra classes, these
students
 can increase their admission rate.
On the other hand
, for an unwealthy family, enrolling their child on a tutoring class is too expensive. Because of their low income, many parents could not afford extra classes, which normally included leaked entrance exam official questions, for their children.
Hence
, the child can only depend on information given by their local school.
Moreover
, the ratio of
students
 who graduated from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high schools located in the city is higher than that of
students
 who came from suburban schools.
This
 indicates that rich families that live in a city are able to support their children better. In conclusion, I could not agree more that financial support is crucial for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
admission. The higher the family's wealth status is
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the more resources, support and enrollment
chance
Fix the agreement mistake
chances
show examples
 a student will get.
Submitted by purita.w on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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