IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Money
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 is crucial, and learning how to manage it is an essential lesson for everyone. Saving
money
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 is one efficient way to keep financial health.
Therefore
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, I partly agree that
people
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 need to save
money
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 even when they are young. On the one hand, saving
money
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 for emergencies is rational, since
life
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 is always unpredictable. A sufficient savings account may assist
people
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 in overcoming many adversities,
such
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 as accidents, illness, or unemployment.
For example
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, during the pandemic in 2019,
people
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 who did not save
money
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 before would have a harder
life
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 than
people
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 did, because they lost or reduced income sources, but had insufficient
money
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 to deal with that accident.
Furthermore
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, saving
money
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 could be vital for young generations who want to get an education and achieve their goals, that's the reason young
people
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 need to save
money
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 earlier. Many ambitious youngsters pursue get advanced education in college for bright prospects, but the tuition in top universities is generally expensive. So, saving
money
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 at an early age is a solution.
However
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, saving
money
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 is not always the most efficient way to make
life
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 easier from a professional prospect of finance. First of all, savings accounts in banks merely offer a minimum interest rate, in comparison to the inflation rate and economic growth, which means
people
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 are losing their
money
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 gradually in savings accounts.
Secondly
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, as a cautionary asset manager, it is necessary to weigh the returns and risks from saving
money
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 against the potential rewards that the same amount of
money
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 could bring back, so-called opportunity costs. More particularly,
people
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 should consider whether should they save their
money
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 in a bank account or invest it in the stock market, since if
people
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 wish to collect wealth for their future, the stock market usually would offer better returns depending on its historical performance. In conclusion, saving
money
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 is a fundamental skill for everyone, which would enhance
life
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 quality.
However
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,
people
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 are
also
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 obligated to acquire more financial knowledge for managing assets, since saving is not the best method sometimes.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure all sections in your essay are well-developed, further elaborate on certain ideas to enhance depth.
task achievement
Avoid overloading some paragraphs with too much information about different ideas; focus on expanding just a few key points.
coherence cohesion
You presented a clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulate your viewpoint well.
task achievement
You provided a balanced view with reasonable arguments on both sides, which helps to maintain argument validity.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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