Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns leaving only old people in the countrysides. What problem does this cause? What can be done to solve the problem

Nowadays in many countries, there are multiple challenges that the
government
faces every day. One of them, some young
people
are leaving their homes in regional areas for urban
cities
. They keep the elderly alone by themself.
This
essay will look at the reasons for
this
and propose some solutions. One of the main causes of the
problem
is decreasing the gross of food. When the young are keeping the old
people
alone, they cannot develop their earth by themself, because they have difficulty thinking and they cannot have enough power.
As a result
, the amount of grosser will be dropped and the cost of them will be increased.
For example
, in Japan, the number of young
people
decreases because of moving to a modern city like Tokyo.
Therefore
, the amount of food has become overly expensive. The solution is for the
government
to build the region area to be the same as the modern city. Another
problem
is that the chance of getting a job will decrease. Many young
people
come to the urban
cities
, where they look for a job. So the chance of the job will be reduced because of the higher demand.
Furthermore
, the weight of the payment will be less.
For instance
, if there is offered in a restaurant for the waiter and they pay 10$ per hour, perhaps
people
from the countryside will accept it even by 7$ per hour. To tackle
this
issue, the
government
should take serious action on
this
problem
by encouraging young
people
to stay in their
cities
. In conclusion, young
people
are leaving their homes in the countryside to the modern
cities
and towns. The
people
could keep the elderly
people
alone by themself.
This
is a serious
problem
, and unless we can get more young
people
in the region. The solution comes from the
government
by providing good services in the countryside.
Submitted by hishamlatrobe3 on

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task response
The essay identifies some causes and proposes solutions to the problem of young people leaving rural areas for urban cities. However, the response lacks depth and clarity. It would benefit from further elaboration and development of ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but lack thoroughness and cohesiveness. The essay would benefit from a more coherent structure and stronger linkage between ideas.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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