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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that children should obey the rules or do what their parents and teachers want them to do. Other people think that children controlled too much cannot deal with problems themselves in adulthood. Discuss both views and state your own opinion.

Children
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 are expected to conform to some
rules
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 on many occasions. Sometimes
disciplines
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apply
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, I think,
are
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disciplines are
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 important to regulate
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children’s
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 behaviours, but too strict
rules
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 may have an adverse impact on the problem-solving abilities of
children
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. The main purpose of regulations is to make
children
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 responsible for their behaviours, shaping a good code of conduct from a young age.
Children
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 are unaware of the consequences of bad behaviour. Unlike adults,
children
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 are unaware of the consequences of bad behaviour.
However
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,
children
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 can gradually
realize
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realise
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 how to behave in a socially acceptable way.
For example
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,
children
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 would learn how to show good manners and how to get along well with others, which are of vital importance to their adult life.
In contrast
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, if there are no regulations to prohibit
children
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 from saying dirty words or bullying others, they may not understand how to deal with social relationships and even commit a crime in adulthood.
Sometimes
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Sometimes,
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 regulations may not have positive influences on
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children’s
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 growth if parents or teachers who establish strict
rules
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emphasize
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emphasise
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the
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apply
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obedience
of
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in
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children
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. Obeying
rules
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 will restrain
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children’s
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 imagination and creativity.
Thus
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, students are afraid of putting their ideas into practice because they fear being punished for breaking
rules
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.
As a result
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,
children
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 rely so much on norms to make decisions that they can’t cope with various complicated problems in
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the workplaces
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workplaces
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workplace
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 independently.
For instance
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, if students are taught to solve math questions in one way,
then
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 they would rarely consider other approaches.
Also
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, too strict upbringing leads to the loss of
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children’s
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 time-control ability, so they cannot balance work and life, losing chances of success in their careers. In summary,
children
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 should abide by
rules
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 in schools or at home because they can’t regulate their behaviours, but too strict norms will restrict students’ imagination and decision-making ability and harm their future careers.

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task management
State your view at the start. In the intro, say clearly what you think about rules and if children should obey or question them.
structure
Make a short plan in your head and write 3 parts: intro with opinion, 2 body parts for both sides, and a clear conclusion that repeats your view.
structure
Begin each paragraph with a topic sentence that shows the main idea of the paragraph.
grammar
Check grammar and avoid repeating phrases. For example, don’t repeat 'unaware of the consequences' and fix plural/singular mistakes.
lexical
Use simple words. Some words in your essay are hard for a basic vocabulary. Use common, easy words.
coherence
Link ideas with simple connect words (and, but, so, also) to help flow.
content
Give more than one example to support points so your claims are strong.
grammar
Put a punctuation check at the end of each sentence to avoid long, run-on lines.
content
You discuss both sides of the issue.
structure
There is a clear conclusion that restates your view.
example
You give an example to show how rules can affect thinking.
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