When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Salary
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indeed plays an integral part in choosing a
job
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.
While
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I accept that
this
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suits many
people
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, many choose jobs
according to
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other considerations. On the one hand, there are various reasons for considering
salary
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as the most crucial factor. A high income guarantees a high standard of quality of life, in which the
people
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can afford their increasing demand on not only basic human needs but
also
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luxurious things
such
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as brand-new accessories or overseas holidays.
In addition
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, many
people
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set salaries to measure their working capacity and level in the company. The higher their income, the more valuable they are in their prospective employment;
therefore
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, the amount of money and their made-up reputation make the
salary
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the most concerning matter in
job
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selection.
On the other hand
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, an increasing number of
people
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are considering other conditions to decide on
job
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movement. The working environment is highlighted in the requirement of many
job
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seekers, especially for
people
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who adore freedom and outdoor activities. They cannot stand on the
job
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, which requires 8 hours of sitting in front of the computer daily like a bank officer, even though
this
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vacancy offers a highly competitive
salary
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in the
job
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market.
In addition
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, contribution to society is
also
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an exciting matter that many
people
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choose.
For example
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,
instead
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of working for a big consulting firm in the city, many friends of mine go to rural areas, assisting and improving the performance of local enterprises. They receive a tiny amount of money, but they are happy with their choices because they help increase the local residents' average income. In conclusion, it is undoubtedly true that
salary
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is essential in the
job
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selection of many
people
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, but
this
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is by no means the only critical consideration for everybody in making a career decision.

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Task Achievement
To enhance your score in Task Achievement, aim to include more varied and specific examples to illustrate each point more vividly. This could help make your argument more convincing and comprehensive. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph directly addresses the prompt with clear, focused arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, work on improving the logical flow between ideas within paragraphs and across the essay. While your essay is well-structured, making use of more sophisticated linking phrases and ensuring a seamless connection between sentences can elevate your writing. Consider revising paragraph transitions to ensure they are smooth and contribute to the overall argument coherence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consideration
  • sole factor
  • financial stability
  • security
  • motivating factor
  • dissatisfaction
  • demotivation
  • job satisfaction
  • overall well-being
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • flexible working hours
  • vacations
  • career growth opportunities
  • skill development
  • advancement
  • determining factor
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